Broken
by Pistachio lover
Summary: They say one moment can change your life, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad, no one ever warned me that there was also the possibility of the moment, oh I dunno, ripping apart the very fabric of who you are. My name is Michelangelo, and I am broken.
1. The Saving Grace

**Hello all! So welcome to my newest story! I have decided to just take a break from Waiting Game for a while since my writers block is horrible on it and this has been written out for some time now! I shall get back to that story but for now I just need a lil break!**

**This story is just as hurt/comfort and Mikey centered as my other stories but their is going to be alot more sensitive sorts of topics in this story so that being said I will be sure to put trigger warnings before every chapter because I don't want to ever let any of this reach viewers that just plain don't want to read about it! I respect that! Um...Yea I'll explain more at the end of this chapter this is too big of an opener lol.**

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**TRIGGER WARNING: **Slight Mentions Of Self Harm And Alcohol Usage****

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Raph grumbled as he looked over at his unfortunate group partner, "Mikey, could you be ANY louder?"

Mikey shuffled his feet side to side in excitement as he looked through the cracks of the old water tower placed on top of an even older building, "dude! Quit worrying, Leo and Don aren't even close to us so I can be as loud as I want!"

Raph face palmed at this, "Mikey it's called ninja tag for a reason! For all we know they could be on top of the roof of this thing!"

"Psh I'll prove ya wrong Raphie!"

"Mikey n- shell..."

Mikey grunted as he crawled out of the tiny front exit of the water tower, "oohhh Donnie and Leo!" As he reached the top of the tower he grinned, "just as I thought!" As he reentered the worn tower proudly he looked up to see that his co partner was no where to be found.

Mikey huffed, "hm...well I hope he gets caught first, maybe then he will respect my awesome ninja stealth reasoning."

"Donnie! Have we looked in the old tower yet?"

"Oh! Good place to check!"

Mikey gulped and narrowed his eyes in determined focus, "good thing there are two exits in this thing heh..." Mikey quickly climbed out the back of the tower which lead him directly to the corner outer edge of the roof top. He gulped as he looked down then smiled a bit. 'I got this.'

He took a breath and took a giant leap knowing he wouldn't make it to the next rooftop, to reach that destination would be near impossible even with backing up then jumping.

No Mikey knew his limits and jumping that far was certainly one of them, that being said catching clothes lines and landing skillfully on the ground was right in his zone! He smiled to himself as he landed perfectly then cautiously entered down into the sewers below, as soon as he was there he took off towards the east wing of town.

He was well aware that this particular location was one in which none of his brothers would want to check, mostly because this part of town was a more rough slum kind of scene. It was sort of an unspoken rule not to go to this part of town at all when topside, only once had Mikey got to go to this part though and he was curious!

One of the perks of ninja stealth training was that he sort of had an excuse to go to places that were otherwise prohibited. He had done this before but on a much smaller scale, it was also an unspoken rule not to get in a two mile radius of Shredders lair alone. He had, without much regret, went into that radius and hid, when his brothers found him they were furious.

Raph always got more of a lecture then him since they were always paired together as a team, more then once had Raph decided to leave Mikey and hide on his own and every time he did so Mikey always got caught hiding somewhere dangerous leading him to get into trouble and Raph to receive yet another lecture.

Mikey grinned as he saw the worn down houses and torn billboards, he looked in awe as the buildings got even closer and graffiti seemed to be in great surplus.

He also noticed more fences and threatening signs that seemed to be on every corner. Rough was the perfect word for this part of town, Mikey understood that more then ever now. But being intrigued with the graffiti art he kept running, finally he reached a larger rooftop that had a small shack on top of it that no doubt contained a stair well leading down to the top floor of the complex.

He hid behind that knowing his brothers would have to come in the opposite direction, he sighed knowing it would be a while until they caught on to where he was. That's how they always found him in these situations, after they find Raph they would each search then after about twenty minutes Don would track him down with his shell cell. Mikey didn't mind that as long he out lasted Raph.

He grinned knowing Raph hated being out done on this game, Mikeys hands flinched down to his nunchucks as he heard a cough from nearby. He peaked over the side of the small shack like building to see a teenage boy.

The boy was dangling his feet dangerously over the very side of the building and was sitting as far on the edge of the rooftop as one could possibly get.

The teen looked around 16 or so, he sported a pair of worn high top black converse with dark jeans and a dark red jacket with a black undershirt to go with it. He was surrounded with all sorts of mysterious bottles and boxes that Mikey had only heard to stay away from.

As the boy started to drink more and more out of the oversized decorated bottles he also began to sway more as well, every so often he would lean so far forward that Mikey was sure he was going to fall. It wasn't until five minutes into this little routine when the boy finally stood unsteadily and looked out over the rubbish town.

Mikeys heart skipped a beat as the boy neared the edge of the roof even more, he knew the movements of an oncoming jump from all the battles he had endured so as quickly as he could muster Mikey lunged for the troubled teen just in time to pull him back.

"What were you thinking?!" Mikey couldn't help but shout angrily as he caught his shaky breath.

The boy looked at Mikey in a daze, his shaggy blonde hair hiding the pair of confused baby blue eyes that matched Mikeys. "Are...you a turtle?"

Mikeys stomach dropped at the question but he ignored it knowing he could probably get away with the boy given what kind of state alcohol put most people in.

"Don't worry about that, are...you ok? You just- well you almost-"

"No...I'm fine dude just don't call the cops m'k?"

Mikey rolled his eyes at the teen, "jeez, come on where do you live? I gatta get you home."

The kid, apparently not liking this, tried to turn and run only to collapse to his knees.

Mikey looked at the kid in awe, he had never witnessed anything like this, as he kneeled next to the teen he looked closely over him. His eyes widened at the sight of blood seeping through one of the kids sleeves, "h-hey! You're bleeding!" Mikey dropped the subject at the teen slurred something about it being a stain.

The teen jerked his arm away from Mikey as he began to shake and mumble even more, Mikey had never been so scared for a human stranger. He knew he had to gain a little trust from this drunken teen if he wanted to get anywhere, "my name's Mikey...would you please tell me yours?"

"It's...Ryan. Please don't call the cops...ran away, can't go back home. Got in a fight with parents...they...hate me...don't understand..."

Mikeys heart speed up a pace at that, he knew this kid needed immediate help for more then just physical injuries, but those physical injuries were of the essence right now. "Well Ryan you are in pretty bad shape right now, I'm sorry to hear that you ran away...that has to be hard...I want to help you though. Will you please let me?"

Even in the dim lighting of the rooftop and half moon Mikey could see the look of surprise from the boy. "As long as no cops are called...can't get caught."

Mikey shivered at how much the kid was slurring his words, it wasn't natural. But it looked as if he had downed more then half of the heavy alcoholic beverage he had with him. "Ok Ryan, I'm going to take you to the nearest hospital. Is that ok?"

Ryan seemed more spacey then he had been as he just sat and stared ahead, Mikey grew more and more worried as he saw the blood stain that he had first thought was just an old stain grow.

"Did...you hurt your arm?"

"...I hurt it myself, yea."

Mikeys eyes widened at this, 'self injury.' "Y-you hurt it on purpose? Um...is it..bad? The wound?"

The kid shrugged off the question, Mikey took off one of his wrist cuffs and tightened it around the bloodiest part of the sleeve.

As Mike helped Ryan up and let him lean heavily against him he couldn't help but let a few tears sting his eyes, he had a strong want to help this kid. He had a desire to figure out what lead him to this and why the kid had even turned to it.

Mikey had always secretly dabbled in psychology, he even had a few books of it hidden in his room. He had read each one from cover to cover, every disorder and treatment he learned about was written in different notebooks for different scenarios. Mikey loved the idea of it all, seeing one of these scenarios up close was a whole other story though.

Mikey had ended up having a pretty long chat with Ryan as he let him rest over his shell while Mikey hurried along to the nearest e.r.

"So do your parents know how bad you have been hurting?" Mikey didn't know if the kid was actually depressed but with what little he had seen so far he was fairly confident with at least asking.

Ryan seemed hesitant with the answer though, "they...don't know anything, but that's my fault."

Mikey was satisfied enough with the slurred answer, since the teen was drunk Mikey knew he could probably get away with asking some personal questions so he went for it, "so...obviously you have some pretty serious issues going on...what's been going on?"

Mikey was alarmed to find that the teen had started to shake violently a little while after the question was asked, "too much."

Mikey gulped at that, he needed to know more but there was no way in shell he was going to ask anymore questions if the boy was going to cry.

Soon though, the boy collected himself once more and spoke again, "my...parents are good people...had high standards for me. Not good enough, joined a gang...God only know why. Just thought it'd help take my mind off it all. Was beaten alot and used, can't go back now."

Mikey sighed mentally, this kid just needed guidance and some encouragement. He was confident he would get the help he needed. Still, he felt for the kid in a sense, not feeling good enough and all...it was sort of his thing too. Mikey shook these thoughts away as he kept lookout for any hospital signs, "well Ryan these doctors are going to get you fixed up and you are going to go on and do great things. Got that?"

A slight nod from what Mikey could tell, this kid was out of it.

He felt kind of bad knowing that turning this kid in to the hospital was just as bad as handing him over to the police. It wasn't like he had much of a choice though, heck that kid wasn't going to make it without care! It was for the best, the hopefully supportive parents would be called and the boy would end up ok. That what Mikey kept telling himself any ways.

He read about all the behaviors of the teenage years in the limited resources he had, the same reactions didn't really affect him or his brothers as much as human beings but he noticed some changes of mind at times. Teenagers were known to be risk takers and overall rebellious, it was the nature of the age. Never before had Mikey seen such a case though, this kid had ran away, injured himself, gotten himself well past drunk and worse of all...almost unconsciously took his own life. All in one night!

Mikey shook his head of these unsettling thoughts as he neared a hospital, he knew he would have to be swift with the drop off. It was nearing nine at night now so he definitely had the shadows on his side.

He carefully laid the boy down then threw a shuriken lightly at the glass doors leading to the front desk of the E.R. a nurse immediately rose and looked over and realized the situation. Her response was quick as Mikey heard desperate mumbles and shouts, soon enough a stretcher was brought out followed by three nurses, as quick as the crew appeared they disappeared even faster.

Mikey sat back on the small rooftop of the entrance and quickly got to more hidden ground, he then decided it was in his best interest to go back to the rooftop he had started all this at. As he landed on the grimy rooftop he heard familiar shouts, "shell..."

He quickly took refuge behind the same shack he hid behind before. He was quickly caught and lectured upon by all three of his brothers, he stared past them and to the bottle of liquor and box of cigarettes that Ryan had left.

His brothers took noticed and seemed to freeze at the sight behind them, they looked between the items and Mikey in unease. "Alright...let's just head home and forget all this even happened ok?"

Don and Raph nodded quickly, "right Mikey?"

Mikey looked up quickly, "hm? Yea...yea forget."

Leo grew a bit nauseated at the way Mikey was staring at the forgotten liquor and cigars, he carefully grabbed onto Mikeys shoulders and guided him away from the rooftop, Don and Raph unconsciously pushed Mikey along as well.

"Lets...just go home."

Mikey sat heavily on the lair couch as he thought back on his night, the other three took note of this quickly and wondered if something more could have happened, they each shook off the idea quickly though, well all except Don.

Don was about to turn to his lab when he noticed Raph and Leo had already gone to bed leaving Mikey on the couch alone and staring off. Don was known for worrying over nothing, he knew that! But he just couldn't help himself, "hey Mikey?"

No answer.

"Mike."

Nothing.

Don jumped down to Mikeys level and sat a hand on his shoulder instantly startling the turtle. "Yea?!"

"Mikey...are you ok? Did...anything happen on that rooftop? You didn't...drink from that bottle did yo-"

"Really dude?"

Don looked down in shame at making the assumption, "sorry I just...your a little off Mikey."

Mikey sighed and quickly realized how quiet he had been, "I'm sorry Don, I'm fine really, just thinking. It's rare but it happens! Haha."

Mikey hated making those stupid little side jokes but he was so used to putting himself down so his brothers didn't have a chance to say it themselves. He rather him say it instead of their words stinging him.

Don laughed thrown off by the self insult, "well get some sleep Mikey, you're bound to be wore out from all that 'intense' thinking!

Mikey laughed, his heart once again cracking at the unnecessary comments his brothers always seemed to have plenty of for him. He simply laughed it off though.

'Spare Don the concern Mikey...just go to bed and be the good little goofy mess everything up Mikey you are always going to be stuck being.'

Mikey stopped mid stride at that as he stared at his bedroom door, 'Am I going to end up like Ryan?'

As he sat on his bed the thought stuck with him, what if he couldn't take it anymore? It was bound to happen eventually, maybe he had more options then just writing about it.

He shook his head at this, 'I couldn't possibly even be considering doing any of that. Ryan was a troubled kid! I'm not like that!...But...maybe I could be for a while then just...switch back if it got too bad! Yea...'

Mikey slid under his covers and tucked his arms behind his head, 'after all...it's good to have options.'

_TBC_

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**So yes, this is going to be one of _those_ stories, yes I realize there are already quite a few of these types of stories floating around but I am way into psychology to not give my own story about how Mikey would react to these types of scenarios and try them!**

**I've been a little afraid to post anything quite like this but let's be honest, it's an epidemic of sorts with these issues being brought up so it's not like I'm bringing up some unspeakable topic! If you have any comments, questions or concerns please review or private message me! I would love anyone's input! Love you guys! ~Pistachio Lover**


	2. Rage and Silence

**TRIGGER WARNING: Mild mentions of self harm and use of alcohol.**

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SLAM.

"And stay there!"

Mikey slid down his door and listened as Raph, Don and Leo cursed him as they watched the breaking news on t.v.

The title of the story on the bottom of the screen read: Local Boy Tries To Take Own Life But Claims Turtle Saved Him! Mikey overheard the news anchors laugh at the 'ridiculous' story as they got further details, Mikey listened carefully as they spoke, "officials say the teen was heavily intoxicated and a local bystander is believed to have helped the boy, police are scanning tapes to see if they can find this mystery savior!"

Mikey smiled a bit at that, he had helped after all, 'guess it was worth all this then.'

His stomach dropped when he heard three pairs of footsteps coming towards his closed door, "guys...I-I know I messed up but he needed hel-"

"Mikey. Their going to see you on those tapes! Were you cautious at all last night?!" Leo screamed through the, thankfully, locked door.

"I mean...I was as quick as I could be! I couldn't hide because I...was carrying him on my shell."

_Jeez...this just happened last night, how are they already reporting on it?!_

Raph growled and facepalmed as he walked away from the door in disbelief, "what are we ganna do?! Clearly their going to see him!"

Don sighed but then gasped, "wait! Didn't they have a picture of the police station that's investigating?"

Mikey guessed Leo and Raph nodded at this as Don continued, "let's rewind the footage, maybe I can take a picture of the station then track it on my phone, if we can find it then I can scramble and erase their data base!"

"Great plan Donnie! I'll inform Master Splinter, get any equipment needed!"

Mikey smiled wide at this as he realized it was still daylight outside, he jumped up and quickly unlocked his door, "I'm coming too then!"

Taking once step forward Mike felt himself get shoved two steps back, "not a chance numbskull. You ruined this so now we gatta fix it, least you could do is just stay put."

"Why?! I can just be lookout! Come on plea-"

"He's gotta point Mikey, the less of a crew the better anyways!" Don added.

Mikey frowned, "So one turtle down is really ganna make that big of a difference? C'mon guys!"

Leo then stepped into the argument as he emerged from the dojo, "Mikey! Get down here, Master Splinter would like to see you, you are prohibited to go on this mission."

Raph snickered at Mikey as he trudged off towards the dojo to most likely receive a lecture.

As Mikey entered the dojo he heard Leo faintly as the three made their way out of the lair, "let's go guys Mikeys...ganna be grounded for a while I feel."

He frowned as he heard Raph snicker again and quickly made his way to where Master Splinter sat in the dojo.

"Michelangelo, please kneel my son."

Mikey gulped as he all but fell to his knees in front of Master Splinter.

"Leonardo has informed me that he saw you on the television, is this true?"

Mikey looked down now finding his hands more interesting then his father's cold disappointed eyes.

"Yes but Master I-"

"You have no excuse Michelangelo, you are a ninja and ninjas are hidden no matter what the situation."

Mikey frowned at this, "I saved someone Master Splinter!"

"You do this every night on patrol with your brothers yet the four of you have never been caught until now, can you explain why this distressed being was any different?"

Mikey was ready to spill all of what happened until a small voice came into his head, 'if you tell him what happened he will be disgusted that you saved a selfish being like that.'

Mikey flinched at this thought, it was true, Master Splinter had always told he and his brothers that the injury that you cause to someone else is bad but if you inflict pain on yourself it is even worse this included any sort of drinking or cutting of course.

Master Splinter thought anything that had to do with self inflicted harm was beyond disrespectful, something about respecting your body that you were given. Mikey also knew that if Master Splinter had mixed feelings about that topic then he would definitely hate the fact that he saved someone that almost ended themselves completely.

It was crazy that the kind and gentle Master Splinter had such little remorse for those types of people. But Mikey had to respect that, even if he completely disagreed. Thus at that moment he silently shook his head and shrugged, "h-he was no different Master, I just had my guard down I guess."

Splinter hummed at this, "I am disappointed that a skilled ninja like you was caught so easily by a bystander. Do you realize the unfortunate effect this all could have on this family?

Mikey nodded.

"Michelangelo, I want you to think of your own suitable punishment as you do two hundred flips. You are also grounded for three weeks."

Mikeys eyes widened, "three we-"

Master Splinters glare shut Mikey up quickly, "yes Master."

He then got up, bowed, and went to the main part of the dojo to the nearest stable wall and began his flips.

_A suitable punishment...how about...eh I dunno! Jeez...two hundred flips and grounded for THREE weeks. Just for seeing a shadow of me on the news? Ugh...what the shell...and I have to think of a suitable punishment? I don't know! Maybe...ugh...I probably have an idea he would agree to...doing Leo, Don and Raphs chores for a week._

Mikey shivered at the thought, four highly athletic teenage mutated ninja turtles and a mutated rat, it was amazing how cluttered the place got when any of his brothers or himself fell behind on their chores. He ran through the chores list in his head.

Leo: Dojo (Mopping the sweaty floor, cleaning the weapons rack and all the ancient relics along the walls and polishing the ancient wood floor Master Splinter had managed to apply to the room.

Raph: Bathroom (scrubbing the tub/shower, toilet, sink, mirror, faucets, and the light fixtures.)

Mikey flinched at the thought of the bathroom duty, five mutants could really do some disgusting damage to one bathroom. He shook his head at the thought and continued to think.

Don: Lab and Living Room (sterilizing beds, medical equipment, door knobs and washing the make shift hospital sheets and pillow covers, also the pesky scrubbing of the walls and mopping the floor. Then the living room where dusting, vacuming and simple clean up took place.

Mikeys job was the kitchen where he mopped, washed dishes and also cooked. He sighed, this was all going to need to be done every single day for a whole week but he could handle it!

As Mikey finished his flips and thoughts he took a huge gulp of air and cleared all signs of sweat off of himself. He then kneeled in front of Master Splinter once more and spoke, "I think I have thought of a suitable punishment for my irresponsible actions."

Mikey choked down the words, he hated that he had actually done something so good that turned out to amount to a big punishment.

"And that is, my son?"

"I have thought on the subject of doing all of my brothers chores for the next week."

"Hmm.."

_Hmm? Hmm?! Really?! That's not good enough?! What the shell..._

"I feel that if you did all the chores of your brothers in addition with your own for the weeks you are grounded will teach you a well needed lesson."

Mikeys clenched his fist on his lap, "yes Master, I believe that will surely set me straight."

Master Splinter nodded and then excused Mikey to leave, as Mikey left he saw what time it was and decided to get to work on supper.

_Jeez already eight thirty?! I was in there forever! Oh well I guess...apparently I deserved that. Don't think about it Mikey, as long as you don't think about it, it will go by faster_.

Clearly trying to push the rage filled thoughts out of his mind Mikey decided on making tonight soup night, he picked this due to it being pretty rainy out, or what he assumed was a rainy night, he could hear the news from where he was at the stove and the reporters were speaking about a lot of storms moving through the area.

He sighed angrily as he stirred the content of potato soup in the pan directly in front of him, he then began to cut up potato cubes into the soup.

As he was completing this he grumbled as three pairs of footsteps entered the kitchen.

_Great just what I need...just stay calm Mikey, stay calm, you got this._

"Well, well! What little Mikeys punishment?" Raph smirked.

"None of your business."

"Aww come on Mikey! We just want to know, you owe me that much! I had to go and fix your mess ya know..." Don said matter of factly.

Raph chimed in quick with a slight glare, "Dons gatta point ya know, it was raining the whole mini mission. Thank shell we got your stupid shell covered, if anything we kinda deserve an apology."

Leo put a hand on Raphs shoulder as he saw Mikeys shoulders shake, they were all behind him so they could see his face but Leo knew they had struck a nerve, he also knew that they needed to back off. Quickly.

"**SHUT UP.**"

Too late for that thought.

Mikey whipped around from the now boiling soup and set his hand on the handle of the stove close to the pot the soup boiled slightly in; he burned each of the three turtles right in front of him with his glare.

"You don't know what happened. You may have seen shit on the news but that's not the whole story so just get off my shell ok?!

Yea ok I got exposed but I saved a kids life! I know we save people all the time but I saved his life in a different way that night, I actually gave a damn! If it were any of you I can't say he would have gotten the same help! So just shut up! You guys...you guys never questioned me, Don a little of course but when I was accused you just assumed I messed up.

An yea maybe if I told Don the truth then I wouldn't have been punished as bad but honestly, why can't you guys look a little deeper?!"

Leo took a cautious step forward, never had any of them heard Mikey cuss, not once in any of their lives had they heard Mikey ever cuss. "Mikey...we're sorry we didn't look into the situation more but-"

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?"

"I said shut up. I don't care what you have to say, I...I hate you guys."

That moment stood still, each turtle soaked up the tension, their faces scrunched in confusion and anger. The soup on the stove finally boiled over its barrier landing on Mikeys exposed hand, the reaction was immediate.

Mikey gasped and held his hand in pain as the soup burned it, Don rushed forward but Mikey put his good hand out, "j-just get away, in fact let me do the honors."

Off Mikey ran to his room, he slammed the door shut and locked it tight, he then slid down the door and covered his face. Rage seeped off of him as he heard Master Splinters distressed voice questioning the others in the kitchen.

He didn't know how long he stayed leaned against the door when he finally woke up, Mike opened his sleepy eyes and looked around, he quietly rose and went to his clock to check the time.

1am. Great. _I'm getting out of here._

Mikey opened his door quietly as he looked around outside of it, he was very surprised to see that everyone was asleep,_ Why didn't they try to at least talk to me? Egh. Why do I care. Time to make a break for it._

Just like that, Mikey was gone. Down the sewer pipe and up the man hole as fast as he could possibly ever go, his hand was on fire but then again that was probably the only thing keeping him the slightest bit level headed even now.

He barely remembered anything of the short argument from hours ago, three words were etched onto his mind, I hate you.

**I. Hate. You.**

_Why did I say that?_

**I. Hate. You.**

_I said it to all of them!_

**I. Hate. You.**

_I didn't even mean it!_

Mikey fell to his knees, he ended up running to the roof it all started on, the roof on the east end. The roof that almost took a kids life. The kids life that he saved, that he was now basically in trouble for.

_Hah...ironic..._

He fell on his side in a haze of angst of all the events that he had gone through the past few days.

Fright, pity, empathy, pride, anger, rage, desperation, sadness.

Mikey looked directly in front of him to the little shack then over to the left slightly, his stomach dropped, the bottles, the boxes, they were all still there.

He got up, not feeling his legs as they carried him over to the three bottles and boxes.

One bottle was over flown with rain water, the other had been cracked most likely when Mikey tried to save the kid but one was sealed and full, brand new. He stuffed the mysterious boxes in his belt carefully and picked up the closed glass bottle.

It looked to be a pretty strong alcoholic content percentage and Mikey knew better, he knew what a disgrace this was but as he took the first sip out of the oversized bottle that tiny thought along with his rage went away completely leaving him at the mercy of the drink in his hand.

Mikey coughed as he took another gulp of the burned sweet taste of vodka. Smirnoff. Whipped cream flavor. Mikey loved the taste, he loved the way it was sweet yet still burned.

He looked at the clear bottle as he sat it by his side, half was gone. Mikey smiled to himself as he looked off, he felt amazing, so light and happy! Nothing in the world mattered, a thought made it through his drunken fogged mind though, hide the evidence.

Mikey quickly got up to his feet, then fell, then back up, then down again. Finally he decided to just crawl, he crawled over to the old shack and placed the bottle carefully inside the seemingly abandoned small building.

Mikey grinned, "that'll be jus fine!"

He looked up at the cloudy sky as it began to sprinkle, "better...get to the sewers! No rain there!" Mikey only made it a few feet when he swayed to far over mid crawl and fell back onto his shell. He laughed as he swayed on the back of his shell from left to right. "I'm on a roller coaster!"

He swayed even more as he laughed, "wow...t-the skys crying, I...wanna cry with it but I'm on the roller coaster!" Mikey all but shouted to himself, he swayed just far enough to his left to land back on his side.

"Oh...I crashed...I-I crashed..." He slurred that phrase a few more times as he teared up, "how could I crash?" His foggy mind didn't allow him to react too quickly at that moment as a hand landed on his shoulder.

Mikey looked up stunned as his mind took a minute to realize who the being standing above him was.

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**Sorry if the triggers start to get annoying it's just something I'd rather have on every chapter just to be safe! Hope you enjoyed and continue to enjoy!**


	3. Addicted

**Trigger Warning: Alcohol Use **

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**Raphs P.O.V.**

_Grr...the shell is it so cold?! Freakin Don better fix the heaters soon it may be Spring but it still gets cold!_

Raph pulled more covers over him in a grumble, soon after he ended up throwing all the covers he had been buried in off of him.

He knew it was stupid, a little habit of sorts that he had picked up over the years. If he ever woke up during the night no matter what the time Raph would always feel the need to make sure everyone was in the lair and safe. Call it protective instinct!

So with that in mind he jumped from his hammock bed and went on his role call, first up was Leo. The double blade warrior was sleeping soundly, now Don.

Raph rolled his eyes at the pathetic sight of Don, the purple clad turtle had his head rested on his keyboard which was no doubt putting many key imprints on his whole face. Raph chuckled, "C'mon Don." He moved the keyboard and carefully placed a pillow under Dons head.

"There, now for the moody goof ball..." Raph walked quietly over to Mikeys room to find the door locked, he rolled his eyes and got out his sai and began picking the lock, a few seconds later and he was in.

As Raph opened the door his stomach dropped, no Mikey. "Mike...?"

Nothing.

"Great."

Raph saw that Mikey had also left his phone on the night stand as well, "no need in getting everyone up...maybe he's just in the kitchen."

No luck. Raph cursed as he trudged out of the lair, "when I find that little twit..." Raph angrily tripped out of the manhole and into the dim muggy lights of NYC, he carefully climbed up the fire escape and to the roof. It was raining heavily at this point so Raph carefully jumped from roof to roof searching everywhere he could think. It wasn't until an hour in that Raph found coverage and gathered his rage filled thoughts.

_I don't get it! I checked every possible location he would go to!_

That's when his brain froze, "unless he went to that damn building...east side."

With a fierce glare Raph ran without thought to the roof top they had found Mikey at the night of the ninja tag game. His blood ran cold as he saw a shadowy figure on the ground, "Mikey!"

No movement.

_Shell, Mikey what happened?!_

Raph frantically ran over to the downed orange clad turtle and kneeled then placed a hand on Mikeys shoulder.

"Mike? Mikey, talk to me bro. This ain't cool."

"R-raph?"

He looked terrible his eyes looked strangely off and glazed over, Raph shook with fear.

_What happened to my brother?_

"Mikey are ya hurt? What happened?Who did this to you?!"

To his surprise Mikey just giggled at all this, "m'fine Raphie!"

"Are..you sure? Mikey- you know what, questions later. I'm tired. Lemme help ya up."

Raph offered a hand which Mikey gratefully took but as he walked ahead Raph looked behind him to find that Mikey was swaying badly.

"Mike?"

"Woowww..."

Raph quickly caught Mikey by his shoulders as he fell forward. "Mike? What wrong bro? Be honest, did you hit your head?"

_It wouldn't be the first time this has happened...then again it had never been this bad either._

"Nooo, I'm just really happy!"

That's when Raph smelled it, the brief exhale was all he needed to understand just what situation he was in now.

"Mikey...are you drunk?"

Of course Mikey tried to play it all off, "wha?! Raphie! I would nevveerr!"

Raph gritted his teeth as Mikey giggled, "I can't believe you...why? Why would you EVER do this? Do you understand that if you get caught Master Splinter will raise three kinds of personal hell right?!"

Mikey only smiled but as he realized what Raph was saying his face quickly dropped. "I can't get in trouble Raphie! I was jus' sad!"

Raph shook his head and let Mikey lean on him, "let's just go home, I'll...help ya. But this ain't ganna be an all time thing! Where did you even get alcohol?!"

Mikey just giggled as he mumbled something about it raining vodka. Raph tugged at Mikey carefully as they started down the fire escape ladder, at one point Mikey had slipped and was barely caught by an already anxious Raphael. When the two were finally on the ground Raph took a hold of Mikeys arm and guided him quickly to the manhole and down to the sewers below. As soon as the two landed and slid the manhole cover over Mikey fell to his knees, "Mike-"

Raph cringed as Mikey emptied his stomach out onto the grimy concrete ground.

"Aw Mikey..." Raph set a comforting hand on Mikeys shell as the young turtle upchucked even more violently. Finally a few minutes later Mikey was gasping while he leaned against the sewer wall, Raph basically pinning his shoulder to the wall so the turtle could stay upright.

Raphael looked Mikey over quickly as he was planning to keep moving, "jeez Mike..." The turtle was even more pale now and shaking from what was most likely a cold from the rain he had been laying in. "You ready to go?"

Mikey nodded a bit unsure but willing. His giggles were soon heard again but not as much, Raph knew he was shutting down quick. "Alright Mikey we're about to go in the lair can you play quite turtle until we get to your room?"

Mikey nodded.

"Alright then! Let's go." Raph held his breath as he helped Mikey to the second level of the lair, he let out a slow sigh as the two finally made it to Mikeys room.

Raph leaned against the now closed bedroom door and turned around slowly."Thank shell. We made it- Mikey?"

Surely enough there was Mikey laying shell down on the bed completely passed out.

Raph took that moment to lay Mikey on his side in case he had anymore ideas of puking his guts up that night. "You are going to be hurting in the morning little brother...but at least your safe."

It was at that moment that the whole situation caught up to him.

_Mikey got drunk...my little baby brother...he's only 16. I'm 18 I should have watched him! Me and Leo both! Shell even Donnie who is just one year older then him should have watched him. But we didn't, he said he hated us, I know that hurt each of us way more then we let on. He cussed too, come to think of it everything he said was so...un-Mikey. What's worse is he went to go do something like this! Like where the shell did he get that crap?!_

That's when Raph remembered all the bottles and boxes sitting on the rooftop that night they found Mikey. _Those stupid bottles...we all knew what he was thinking, why didn't we get rid of them?! We really don't give Mikey the mature credit we know he deserves. Of course it was tempting to him, he's never even had a sip of alcohol._

Raph ran a hand over his worried face and decided to lay across the very end of Mikeys bed. A few minutes of troubled thinking later Raph was fast asleep.

***Main Story***

The next morning Leo knocked on Mikeys door and opened it to find Mikey dead asleep and, to his amazement, a sleeping Raph as well.

Leo shook his head passing it on as another one of Mikeys bad nightmares and continued to the dojo for extra training. As Leo walked away Raph cracked his eye open to make sure the eldest was completely gone, one he was assured of this Raph sat up quickly then shut and locked Mikeys door.

"Alright Mike, your ganna have one shell of a hangover but we got an hour and a half before practice and if you don't get up now you really won't later! Besides, ya gatta cook breakfast soon...and answer my questions." Raph flipped the covers off Mikey and shoved a bit at Mikey. "C'mon. Get up."

Mikey groaned and rolled over to face Raph, as soon as he opened his eyes his head exploded with pain. "Gah...Raph? Egh. What happened?"

"I was hopping you could tell me that one." Raph grumbled.

Mikey sat up and slowly recalled the last memory he had, rooftop, the bottles, him, bad decision. "No way...I got-"

"Drunk. Ya got drunk."

Mikey sneezed and huffed out what sounded like an apology.

"You also now have a bad cold, probably because you were laying in the rain. I found ya like that Mikey. I thought you were hurt at first but no! You were just drunk! And not just mild drunk you had full on jumped right into it and got pretty messed up. Why Mikey? Why would ya do that when you know good and well Masta Splinta would kill ya for it?"

Mikey grabbed his head in anxiety, "I don't know Raph! No one understood last night like always and I just- I was done. I was so done! I just wanted to let go of some stress."

"And getting shit face drunk helped this? Cuz it looks like you are way more stressed now."

Mikey looked up at Raph in a full glare, "I might be a little stressed but ya know I don't really feel all that miserable anymore!"

Raph rolled his eyes in annoyance, "seriously Mikey? Don't use that as an excuse for this."

"I'm not!" Mikey was growing more and more infuriated now, "Raph you don't get it! I saved a teen! More then just the life of this teen but his spirit! He was ganna jump off a building Raph, completely commit suicide but I saved him! Then I come home and just get fussed at for it! No one ever said it was right or that I did justice I just got the same freaking nagging."

Raph was about to reply when a knock came across Mikeys door, "yea whataya want?" Raph said in a sigh.

"Uh...well breakfast isn't ready and Mikey is running behind on our morning chores for his punishment so I'm just wondering when he is coming out? Is he ok?"

Mikey sighed as he brought his hand to his head, "I'm fine Don, thanks." With one final glare towards Raph Mikey quickly struggled to the door and opened it to find more un needed light blinding him.

He quickly took three Aleves and set off to the current strenuous routine of his morning schedule since he recently got punished. He made a quick breakfast for everyone then finished up all the morning chores, to top off his already killer hangover he was late for practice thus earning him fifteen flips that took him alot longer then usual to complete.

After he and his brothers were seated Master Splinter of course thought it was the best day to hold spars so the whole practice Mikey found himself getting beat up as he held back nauseousness and complete unconsciousness. As soon as practice ended he ran to his room and let out any remains of his breakfast he had left. He then laid back in his bed as he clenched his head.

_Shell...hangover of the century...not that I've ever had one but...egh maybe Raph had a point. Why would I do something so stupid? I mean it really was a stupid call on my part but at the same time, it was comforting. I was strong enough to not complain, to just take the bottle and help myself. I could get used to it..._ Mikey drifted to sleep with this thought.

The next few weeks that followed held much stress and many bad decisions on Mikeys part.

**Raphs P.O.V.**

_Mikey is driving me crazy! Honestly I have no idea where in the shell he is getting all this alcohol but in the past three weeks he has completely gone full-blown alcoholic. Ok so not every single night but this little getting drunk thing is definitely not going away it seems_

_His attitude is certainly not improving either, in fact he seems to be getting more silent and angry as the days pass. He does all the chores as he is told and cooks all the meals, he stays in when we go out on patrol and keeps to himself. Until practice comes, only in the dojo during practice is when we see Mikeys true feelings. His fighting has improved in aggressiveness losing the mercy in his punch and the kindness in his eyes, he doesn't hold back._

Raph shook his head as his thoughts drifted back to the fight taking place in front of him, an intense sparring match, Leo vs. Mikey. It wasn't everyday Raph saw Leo break a sweat on a simple spar match unless of course if he himself took on the blue clad warrior.

Mikey cringed as Leo got a lucky hit in, for every lucky shot the twin blade warrior got in Mikey got three more solid shots more.

Finally when Mikey got Leo to the floor Master Splinter yelled the ending command but something was different in those baby blue eyes Mikey possessed, something unstable and unsure.

As Leo rose from the floor now drenched in humiliation from the loss Mikey brought another fist across Leo's face. Time stopped as Don and Raph rushed forward to pull Mikey back, the orange clad turtle had no intentions of stopping as he brought his fist back up and slammed it across his eldest brothers face again and again.

A malicious gaze fell upon the pained and scared expressions of his own family as he kept beating the now unconscious Leo.

"MIKEY! Ya gatta stop bro he's had enough!"

Raph didn't have time to react as Mikey whirled around and punched him right in the face, Don let out a cry as Raph fell back.

Master Splinter closed in quickly as Mikey turned to Don to deliver the same unforgiving punches he took Mikeys arm and held it back as he was about to punch a shocked Donatello, "no Michelangelo. No more. I am sorry my son but I have no other choice for you in this state."

With a quick swing Mikey was out cold, Master Splinter then calmed a hyperventilating Don down and helped him patch both Leo and Raph up.

Leo had a few gashes from where he hit the floor and got caught on his blades also he, along with Raph, suffered from a serious bleeding nose as well. Minor injuries but it was all the same, a brother had purposely hurt another.

The next few hours Leo awoke in a haze, "what the shell...did...Mikey knock me out?!"

Don nodded sadly still not believing it himself, "I've never seen anything like that from Mikey, luckily he didn't give you a concussion just a major bruising."

Leo was about to speak when Don cut him off again, his brain working on overdrive. "It's so unlike him to even be close to violent, tonight was going to be the first night out since he had been grounded too! Why would he do this? He has been acting so strange lately."

Don and Leo both looked up and through the lab window to see Mikey still laid on the couch from where he had been knocked out earlier. Raph was leaned against a far corner of the room watching the sleeping turtle.

Leo observed the way Raph looked at Mikey, it was almost as if the red clad turtle was expecting something bad to happen.

_What does he know that I don't?_

Leo had noticed the gradual changes in Mikeys behavior. He had noticed how tired and wary he looked during the day and how he always seemed nervous but never had Leo thought that Mikey could be in trouble or anything. Looking at what just happened though his mind had many scenarios running through it, what was going on?

**Mikeys P.O.V.**

Mikey cracked a tired eye and yawned as he rubbed at his head and face, "the shell..." That's when he realized it was the middle of the night, it was completely dark and everyone was asleep.

_Perfect_.

He flipped the covers off of him and carefully stood, his stomach churning for food.

_No food...I won't be hungry after I drink... besides...food only slows down the alcohol._

Mikey carefully stepped around the couch and snuck to his room where he pulled the last of all his savings over the years out from under his pillow. He was amazed at how quickly it had all dissapeared, although he had only saved up about 150$ anyways. Alcohol was not cheap, especially when it was purchased almost three times a week.

_This will only get me a bottle of Smirnoff...maybe a small bottle of Makers Mark...nah I'm in the mood for vodka...it'll be easier to down without coke, whiskey tastes too stale for me. Wait- why was I in the living room anyways? Egh my memory is still hazy from practice...didn't realize that secret shot was going to get me so buzzed guess they didn't notice though, idiots._

Mikey chuckled as he stuffed the money in the secret pocket of his belt, he finished off the small bottle of left over Smirnoff that he had cleverly hidden in his room for his bad days and threw it under a pile of dirty pizza boxes where no one would dare to look.

Mikey thought back on the practice earlier still wary of the details. He had drank half of the small bottle of strawberry flavored vodka before practice without a meal to slow down the affects of it, little did he know that he got more then his definition of buzzed from those actions.

***Main Story***

As Mikey stepped out of his room and made his way to the lair a light blinded him, it came straight from the exit of the lair and drew near very quickly. Before he could even react Mikey was yanked to the sewer tunnels and towards the nearest manhole. Once the light was not blinding him anymore he realized that the mysterious figure doing all this was Raphael.

"Raph?! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Raph gritted his teeth, Mikey had made cursing an art of his in the past several weeks he started his little hobby frankly it disgusted Raph that Mikey would use such language. "I'm trying to keep you outta trouble! Where are ya going Mike? To drink? AGAIN?"

Not liking that he was correct in this quick assumption Mikey shoved past Raph and began to walk towards the ladder leading to his freedom. "Just leave me alone." Mikey grew infuriated as he felt Raphs hand grab his arm abruptly.

"Mikey. Your breath already smells like alcohol! And you were drunk during freaking practice tonight too! You Leo you know that right? He was completely unconscious because of you Mike, all because you were seeing red while you were drunk. He's not hurt bad by the way! I mean I know you don't give two shits but I thought I would at least try! Oh and ya punched me too!"

Mikeys eyes widened at this information but he quickly hid it with a scowl, "get off me! If you're so pissed at me then just let me go!"

Raph sighed angrily, "ya don't get it! I ain't mad Mikey...I'm scared. I'm...I'm afraid for ya...you have changed and ya depend on that stuff now. You've changed. It's scaring the whole family Mike, the only difference is they don't know what's going on but I do! This addiction of yours is messing with your head and this family!"

"Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about Raph! I'm completely in control!"

Raph dug into the secret pocket of Mikeys belt and held the crumpled piece of money in his hand. "You spent all your savings on this crap haven't ya?"

Mikey growled, "give me that back I'm ganna go buy a pizza you idiot."

Raph laughed, "bet ya are! You don't look like you even eat anymore Mikey, you are all pale and small, no muscle at all. You are destroying yourself. The others haven't seen the slight physical changes but once they become more obvious they will and then you will be busted.

I'm tired of bailing you out of this crap, it's almost every night! It's been three weeks Mikey, almost every night for three weeks. I can't do this babysitting anymore...and you can't keep doing this to yourself. I'm not going to watch you slowly die like this right in front of me! Now just stop thi-"

Mikey threw two smoke bombs on the ground making Raph choke and gasp for air after the fact. "D-damnit Mike..."

He gulped as he looked down and saw that Mikey had taken the money from him in that short span of time, _addicted_.

He then took off to find Mikey once more in his usual spot near one of the local bars or slum. New questions rose as he was running, how long would this last? Where was Mikey getting his alcohol? The most unsettling question still rattled in Raphs mind though.

_How am I going to save Mikey from himself?_

* * *

**_Wow...yea i'm pretty lame for updating so late! This is super super late so I'm very sorry but I do hope you enjoyed reading this chapter all the same! Will definatly work towards not being so late. Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! :) Thanks for reading!_**


	4. Too Far Gone

***Warning: Major alcohol usage and some cussing sprinkled around as well.***

* * *

Mikey ran desperately through the streets of New York and to his usual meeting place at the usual time he showed up, one am on the dot.

He leaned against the graffiti filled back alley wall until a sketchy looking car rolled up completely blocking the alleys exit.

Mikey walked casually up to the car where the tinted window rolled down to reveal a man with greased back hair who looked to be in his mid fifties but sounded as if he was thirty. He had done every type of drug on the market and was a man that had long ago given up on the simple delirium that alcohol had to offer.

Mikey remembered he had taken the chance on talking to the guy in the same alley he was in one night, the guy was so high on whatever he was smoking that he didn't seem to mind Mikeys appearance. Which, in Mikes case, was just perfect so he came back every night where the same man eventually showed up at the same time.

It was then that Mikey had found his official alcohol seller, sure the guy was untrustable and was constantly on a different kind of drug and come to think of it Mikey found that he never got the name of the guy but the orange clad turtle had gotten over those little facts and bought from the man alot.

Mikey quickly gave him the twenty and requested the Smirnoff with the strongest alcoholic content. The man laughed as the small turtle grabbed the bottle greedily, "you know there are better things then just drinking, I can give ya a sample for ten bucks more kid." Mikey shook his head, "that's all I got tonight, I'm all out of money at this point."

The man coughed and snickered, "I was wonderin' when you would crack, guess you will have to find some family funds eh?"

Mikeys eyes widened at this, _steal my own family's money?_

"Unless...you're going to quit all this and go back to whatever you did to cope before?" The man tempted. "I can always quit going this route just to sell to you personally."

Mikey shook his head quickly, "no! No. I'll get the money somehow. I'll be back in two days."

The guy nodded and rolled up his window then drove off quickly. Mikey put a hand to his head, "jeez...I'll get the money. For now it's my time."

The young turtle jumped up onto the hidden fire escape knowing that when in the East side of town one usually didn't have to worry about any civilians on the streets, just the sounds of the occasional gun shots and police sirens.

Thankfully this didn't seem to bother Mikey as he opened the bottle and took a huge gulp of pure vodka, he didn't even cough as he downed several gulps. Soon enough the usual wave of dizziness overcame him carrying the same fuzzy comfort that came with it, he felt unstoppable.

About half of the bottle later Mikey heard foot steps nearing where he sat, he looked up through the cracks of the platform of the fire escape above him to find a red masked ninja staring back at him. The golden orbs behind the mask carried disappointment, Mikey tried to hide the bottle the best he could as the figure climbed down to were he was sitting.

Despite the lame fight Mikey tried to pursue the figure ended up grabbing the bottle and throwing it to the alley below where it shattered.

Raph grabbed onto Mikeys arm and tugged him up to where he stood. "Mike the next time ya do this I ain't ganna be there. Ya got that?! I'm not doing this ever again because you're not ganna do this ever again. You can't have alot of money left to fund this little addiction of yours so stop. You will eventually hit rock bottom if you can't straighten up, I don't wanna tell the others Mikey...I don't. But if I catch you trying to sneak out to do this...bullshit again I can assure you, you won't have the chance to get wasted, I will drag you back to the lair and force you to confess then and there."

Mikey laughed in response, "Raphie c'mon man, ya never mean anything you say! So shhhh!"

Raph pushed Mikeys hand away in annoyance, "I mean it Mike. This is just ridiculous, your freakin sixteen years old go play a video game or somethin it's pathetic that I have to babysit you!"

Mikeys eyes widened as his delayed reaction came into effect. "...Did you throw my bottle?! I payed for that myself ya had no right!" Raph held Mikey firmly as the turtle started to fight to get away from him.

"Stop...Mikey...stop! Grr...I really don't have the patience tonight! Gah, let's just get home."

Raph quickly helped Mikey down from the fire escape and carefully guided him around all the broken glass somehow dodging all of the pieces. Once down in the sewer Raph waited in the tunnel awhile before Mikey started his usual puking episode. After the episode he and Mikey set off slowly towards the lair, once there the usual late night protocol was done for the billionth time it seemed to Raph.

Enter quietly, get Mikey to bed safely, watch over him over short periods of time then sneak him pain killers the following morning.

The next morning though Mikey was not in the bed, he was up and cooking breakfast having already taken his painkillers and actually looked decent for what happened the night before. To say Raph was surprised would be an understatement.

"Mike? You...alright?"

Mikey simply nodded, "is this enough proof?"

Raph cocked his head to the side at this, "whataya talkin about?"

"Is this enough to prove that I can go out and have a little fun to myself but still take care of myself?"

Raph sighed angrily, "no! No Mikey. Ya don't get it. Have you just once thought that this was destroying you mentally? It's eating up your personality. The Mikey I used to know would not dare touch what you have been chugging down. Or attack Leo! Or me! This ain't funny anymore Mike! Never was!"

Leo and Don choose this moment to enter the kitchen, Mikey froze and gave Raph a death glare. Raph surprisingly shut up, in fact he kept his mouth shut all through breakfast and through the uneventful meditation practice after it.

It was about three in the afternoon when he closed in on an oblivious Michelangelo exiting the bathroom, Raph slammed Mikey back into the bathroom and against the nearest tiled wall. Mikey glared at Raph as he struggled against him, "go away Raph there's nothing to say."

"Ya know why I didn't tell em right then and there Mike? Cuz I want you to be the one to confess your problem, I want you to take the step to better yourself. I don't wanna drag you through this Mike because in the end you getting better is ganna be up to you. Do ya understand?"

Mikey frowned, "I would if I actually had a problem, but I don't! What I do in my free time is up to me! Why don't you get that?!"

Raph gritted his teeth, "I wouldn't give you such a hard time if ya didn't pick your free time so horribly then maybe I wouldn't have to do this!"

"Whatever Raph just get out of my way."

"No!" Raph slammed Mikey against the wall once more, "I swear on mah shell I will beat some sense into you if that's what it takes!"

Mikey shoved Raph more, "get out of my way! Last warning."

"Nah, I don't think so Mike!"

**SLAM**

Meanwhile...

Leo sat crisscrossed on the living room floor as the movie they had paused to give Mikey time to use the bathroom continued to stay unmoving. Don picked at his latest creation as he tightened bolts and pushed random buttons on the device. Leo looked around suspiciously and saw that Raph was missing as well, "where the shell are those two? It's been almost ten minutes now!"

Don took off his huge goggle magnifying glasses and rubbed at his chin, "I'm not sure! Should we go make sure they haven't killed each other?"

"Nah, I'm sure there just getting food or something-"

**SLAM**

"Nevermind."

Leo sighed as he and Don ran to the sight of the crash, Mikey ran past them in a hurry, they both attempted to stop him but hearing Raphs groans from the bathroom drew them to see what happened there first.

Don opened the bathroom door quickly, there in front of him lay Raph in the bathtub with a pained expression on his face as he rubbed the back of his head which was resting on the faucet of the bath. "Raph?! Are you ok?!"

"Gah...no...hit mah head on the stupid tub faucet thing."

Leo crossed his arms already knowing exactly what happened, "how did this happen?! Don't cover for him either Raph!"

"...We had an argument and he pushed me, that's all."

For now that was all Leo needed to hear, he turned on his heel quickly and stalked after Mikey. What he found though was an empty lair with Mikey no where in sight. He charged through every room with no luck, he peeked into Master Splinters room but only saw his father who was currently deep in meditation.

"Where is he?!" Leo said outraged as he helped Don guide Raph to the lab. Don shut the lab door as they entered.

"He prolly ran off Leo, he was pretty upset he wouldn't dare go topside this time of day."

"I don't care how upset he is Raph! He tried to hurt you! Again!"

Don carefully cleaned the small cut on the back of Raphs head, after this he shined a light in Raphs eyes and did several other small simple tests. "You have a minor to moderate concussion Raph...doesn't sound like he just pushed you."

Leo folded his arms, "Raph tell us what happened truthfully or I will have to inform Mater Splinter about all this. Now I'm willing to keep this secret if you tell me right now. Just tell- Raph? Don why is he swaying?"

Don shined the light in Raphs eyes once more, "his eyes aren't reacting correctly with the light, definatly a moderate concussion." Don caught Raph as he leaned too far forward and layed him safely on his side to find that the short tempered turtle was out cold. Leo gave Don an readable look as he helped to lay Raph on his side.

"When will he wake up?!"

"I give him two to three hours." As Leo was about to turn and charge after the little orange clad maniac Don caught his arm. "There's no point in trying to talk to him right now, I don't care how much Mikey has changed you know how he is when he is upset."

This seemed to keep Leo anchored a little longer. "Don...what the shell is going on? Don't tell me you haven't noticed anything."

"Oh trust me I have, the slight changes in weight, how Mikey carries himself, the short temper. Something is definitely up, what I don't understand is that you and me have asked questions. Heck, even Splinter has had his questionable gazes set on Mikey but Raph, the one person that would not tolerate this little attitude change, has not said a thing."

Leo nodded, "yea I believe Raph knows something we don't. I don't know if it's major or not but it seems to really be affecting Mikey so it matters to me regardless."

"Definitely, I just dunno Leo...these past few weeks have been hectic for all of us because of Mikeys change. I thought for sure Master Splinter was going to punish Mikey for yesterday but he just made him stay an extra hour for meditation then prohibited everyone from going topside! I just don't get his motive...I wish I knew what he was suspecting because I have nothing."

"I dunno Don...Master Splinter has no doubt seen the change but I think he's just as confused. He's been asking me if I knew anything going on but I really have no clue. I do know Raph is hiding something, so when he wakes up and gets better he's going to tell us, if Mikey isn't back by then we will hunt for him."

Meanwhile...

Mikey punched the foreign concrete wall furiously until his knuckles started bleeding badly, his hands then unconsciously drifted to his money filled pocket, he had just enough time to run into Raphs room and take his money along with Leo's as well. He knew exactly where the two hid their money, Leo's was under his pillow in an envelope where as Raphs was in a homemade vase the four of them made when they were kids that he had kept.

The vase in which Mikey smashed desperately to get to the hidden money. He had stuffed all he could into his belt pocket and made a quick run for it.

He had felt paranoid about how long it would be till the search party was after him, so he went to where no one would think to find him. He went topside in broad daylight risking just about everything he stood for and made a stealthy run towards a deserted bridge in his new favorite part of his little chunk of city, East Side.

He found his little hole in the concrete wall under the grafittied bridge and sat with his head buried in his knees. After a while Mikey found himself drifting to sleep, sure enough a few hours later he awoke to see the golden sunset taking place in front of his bridge.

_Almost night time...thank shell...I gatta think tonight through. They will all be looking for me, they don't know about this place though if I could call my dealer and have him meet me earlier some where else then I could pull the ultimate night off. Gah, I just need alcohol, I'm going crazy!_

Mikey pulled the money out of his pocket, his heart hurting as he saw all the bills his brothers had rightfully earned throughout their years. He stole fifty five dollars from Leo and seventy from Raph, the guilt ate at him but at this point there was no going back in his mind. _There ganna notice what you did so you might as well get what you came for._

Mikey didn't know how many hours later he had sat before he finally commenced his plan. It was only seven but he would have to ditch his phone soon so he would not be able to be tracked. With that he called his dealer in which he had hidden as a locked contact in his shell cell. The response was immediate, "hey kid. Whatcha need?"

"New place tonight. You know East main street?"

"Yea. Sketchy part of town but I can make it work, you wanna meet there? There's an old pizza place called Tonys Place, if you can make it to the alley just right of it I'll be there. Name your time."

Mikey thought a moment and saw that the sun was already down leaving behind a grand bit of light in its wake. "How early can you be there?"

"Around nine thirty."

"Perfect. Bring everything alcohol, I got real money now."

A dark chuckle was heard, "that's what I like to hear. I'll bring all the merchandise tonight then. Seems like a special night."

Mikey snapped his phone shut and looked at the time, only eight thirty.

_Well while I'm waiting I guess I should destroy this thing._

Mikey smashed the phone into the gritty concrete wall and let the small stream of what was left of the water underneath the bridge carry its pieces away. He smiled, despite betraying his family's trust and basically running away after he hit Raph, Mikey felt good.

_It's my night._ He thought as he sat happily against the sewer tunnel, he saw an old clock tower from where he sat and could tell the time perfectly, only eight thirty three. Time was killing Michelangelo, time and his thoughts that were now drifting to what had happened earlier.

_Shell...I shoved Raph. I wonder if he's even ok. What if he hit something on the way down? Nah...Raphs a ninja and even in those small moments he can defend himself. He was asking for it anyways, who traps someone in a bathroom just to get some kind of confession? Yeah, it's his fault. There's nothing wrong with me..._

Suddenly Mikeys stomach growled sending a wave of nausea over him,_ I bet they hate me even more now...why wouldn't they?! I deserve it._

Mikeys stomach growled once more, he rolled his eyes as he set his hands behind his head and leaned back. He yet again drifted off to sleep once more. Mikey didn't understand why he was constantly tired anymore, he blamed it on the amount of extra training he was put through but then again it never had this kind of effect on him before. In reality Mikey was unknowingly starving himself, the lack of vital basic nutrients was eating away at his energy. Not that he would care though, as far as he was concerned Mike's new nutrients were just alcohol.

The next time he woke up it was nine forty, Mikey opened his eyes in a haze and realized this immediately as his eyes focused in on the massive clock tower.

"Shell!" He gathered his things quickly and charged towards the old pizza place which he found within minutes of running. Mikey entered the hazy but widened alley beside the nearly broken down pizza place and saw a familiar car parked at the very end of it. When he neared the window rolled down to reveal the same greasy creep of a guy, his smug smile never changing as he gave Mikey the run up about all the different alcohol beverages he had.

Mikey ended up purchasing three bottles of the finest and strongest liquor the man had to offer, each bottle was a grand total of forty bucks which resulted in Mikey spending every cent of his own brothers money.

As he grabbed the bottles from the man and saluted him off Mikey ran as fast as he could back to where the old abandoned bridge was, as soon as he got there he cracked the first bottle open not even reading the alcohol content. The liquor was strong and had the taste he had been craving for, the same buzz came very soon into the first bottle making Mikey hiccup. This did not stop the orange clad ninja as he kept downing the oversized bottle.

He lazily smashed the bottle against the wall as he continued on to the next. He chuckled as he cracked the bottle open, "hah! My brothers...this drink is to you three, f-for aaalll the times you made fun of my stupid ass! For makin' m-me realize how worthless I am! Couldn't have gottin' this low without ya!"

Mikey tipped the bottle back as tears began to swell up in his tired and hazy blue eyes. "It's not fair...not fair...I work jus as hard as them and what do I get?! This bottle. That's jus fine though...I-I don't need them, this right here is all I need!"

He was finally on his last bottle around eleven thirty and going strong on shouting every insult and problem he had ever held in from his brothers, the world and most of all himself. He had never been this far gone, even in his heavily drunken state he understood that he had gone too far.

There was no going back now though and that fact alone urged Mikey to take more and more gulps of his last bottle. He had gotten so dizzy in the middle of all his drinking that Mikey hadn't noticed that he was now leaned completely against the concrete wall, the bottle in his hand barely being gripped as he brought it loosely to his side.

As Mikey slowly lost consciousness he didn't seem to notice how cold he had gotten _or_ how the heavy rain had began to pour down as soon as he had started drinking. _Or_ how the water was starting to slowly puddle around him.

No, Mikey wasn't aware of any of this as he drifted to the land he knew best, his drunken paradise of a dreamless dizzy sleep.

* * *

**_So hope you enjoyed this chapter, despite the fact that Mikey is completely gone. Please read and review and I hope you continue to enjoy this story as it unravels! Love you guys~ ^-^_**


	5. Lost and Found

*****Trigger/ just because** **warnings**:** Alcohol and Cussing*****

* * *

_Meanwhile_...

Leo and Don both watched in anticipation as Raph started to wake slowly. "Wha...the shell..."

Raph rubbed at his head in anger as he gathered his thoughts of what had happened. "That little shit..."

Don sat beside Raph carefully as the red clad turtle sat up. "Raph, Leo and I have some questions for you, are you well enough to ans-"

"Don. M'fine just ask already."

Don nodded, "first off, do you feel nauseous or hear any ringing sounds at all?"

Raph shook his head, "no. And I don't have a fever and I remember everything in the past 24 hours cept for the obvious period of time I was out. There. I've had concussions before Don I know what to look out for! M'fine. Now, where's Mikey?"

Leo folded his arms and huffed, "we were hoping you could tell us that."

Raph shrugged and looked down in an instant, "I dunno, how am I supposed to know where he runs off to?"

"Raph, we both know that you know more about what's going on with Mikey then we do. So spill."

"I dunno nothin guys."

Don stepped in this time, "Raph, we're worried about Mikey. He has lost weight and is the lowest I've ever seen him energy wise, he just seems...too distant. We just noticed that you didn't really seem too concerned, and you are ALWAYS concerned when it comes to any of us acting weird. So please...let us in on what's going on, Splinter doesn't have to know unless it's catastrophic."

Raph gulped, "you both have to promise me that ya won't tell Splinta bout this. Mikey doesn't need that on his shoulders right now. Got it?"

Leo and Don nodded already eager to just know what's been happening to their baby brother.

Raph shook his head as he tried to find the words, he didn't want to tell them but at this point he needed someone else's help just to keep himself sane. It was like everything he said to Mikey went in one ear and out the other, he just couldn't take it anymore. "Guys...you remember about three weeks ago? How Mikey saved that kid, an ya know...how he got a rough punishment out of it?"

Only silent nods were meet with Raphs nervous gaze.

"Well, the night that we had that huge falling out with Mikey about it he decided to go out and...well he got drunk guys...I dunno where he found the alcohol that night but he did and alot of it."

Leo and Don had expressions of both pain and disappointment as Raph continued, "the following weeks after I kept finding the squirt late at night topside completely drunk. Sometimes he would be crying and smashing the bottle he had drank out of or he would just be laying on a rooftop completely blank but somehow happy. Occasionally he would try to punch and kick me as I helped him, he would mumble about everything from training to how he really felt about how we treated him. From how unfair the ending of his latest comic was to how unfair it was that he always got counted out.

It was almost every night he would get drunk and not a single night did I not go after him. I made sure he was safe all that time no matter what he said or did to me. M'sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I honestly wanted him to confess instead of me doing it for him."

Don broke the solemn silence that followed Raphs explanation. "Shell...I mean...I didn't- I never thought he'd go off and do that, how did he get all this alcohol?"

Raph shrugged, "I've been trying to get that answer myself, I think he has some dealer because I've been watching all of his money slowly disappear."

"Shell Raph...you should have told us sooner! We could have helped!" Leo said growing more and more angry by the second.

"I didn't wanna risk any sudden changes- gah honestly I don't know why I kept it all in. I just wanted to help him."

Hearing the rare shutter in Raphs voice Don put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "well none of that matters now because you told us, now it's time for all of us to help him."

Leo stood, "are you well enough to come help us find him?"

"Course I am! I'm comin' either way!" Raph jumped up and tested himself to make sure he wasn't under the effect of the concussion anymore. He lied as Don did some mini tests on him.

"Raph...you still seem sluggish-"

"I don't care Donnie. I'm goin' an that's final, lemme go grab my sais!" Raph left before any more argument could carry on.

Leo shrugged and also went to his own room to retrieve some ninja smoke bombs just in case things went wrong.

As the two charged into their rooms however they both stopped short.

Raph eyed the childhood relic now busted on his floor along with his remaining money scattered about. "What...the shell? My money jar is busted- no this was on purpose...Mikey...no way. It had to be though! It was freakin' Mikey!"

As Raph went through and found his seventy dollars missing he heard a familiar shout from Leo's room, as he ran in he saw Leo counting out his money.

"How much he take from you?"

Leo glared at the wad of money, "fifty five dollars...did he steal from you too?!"

"Yea. Try seventy."

"Why the shell would he do this?!"

Don then appeared in the door way taking in the scene of the two angry teens clenching their money. "He's definitely addicted...once we find him I will have to do more research but I know enough to know that he is hooked bad. He knows just as much as we do how disrespectful it is to go into any other family members room without consent first."

Raph growled and put his money on Leo's small dresser. "Let's just go get him. I gatta bad feeling."

"Hmm...I'll try to track him on our way up topside. Are we going to tell Splinter? I mean..we are still grounded."

The two looked at Leo expectantly, the eldest sighed. "Let's just go...he'll find out. We can't risk waiting."

With that the three took off, they soon approached the nearest manhole then up to the all too familiar rooftops. "Find anything Don?" Raph grumbled still struggling with the fact that Mikey had stolen from him even after all he had done for him.

"Nothing...his signals out but I can track it to where it was last active before being ended...it looks like it's on...East side?!"

"What's he doing there?!" Leo exclaimed.

Raph shrugged. "Eh, he likes it over there. Less likely to get spotted, unfortunately it's where all his hiding spots are too. Is that tracker thing any more detailed on the location?"

Don nodded, "Its near a water source...it's not much looks to be a stream? Maybe a small bridge? Should we try it?"

Leo cut in immediately, "any sort of lead we have needs to be seen, it's better then running around with nothing! Besides, Its raining really bad out here! He probably went to seek coverage or something."

"Good point...shell, Mikey stole alot of money...surely he didn't buy everything all at once tonight...surely not." Raph stomach then twisted as he realized what could be happening. "Let's go to the bridge."

As the three jumped from dimly lit alley way to the next they finally set their sights on a tiny old abandoned bridge that now looked like a piece of street art, one side of it was busted down a bit making it impassable for cars to travel on.

Raph stomach twisted even more as he saw how high the water had gotten underneath it, what had been a small stream going through now looked to be a forming rushing river. "Let's hurry! If he is under there he's in some trouble!"

Raph rushed ahead not even hearing Don or Leo's replies, he slid down into the murky water below and saw that it almost reached to his knees. "Mikey?! Mike, bro!" Raph searched frantically around the bridge as Don and Leo searched under it, it wasn't but thirty seconds later Raph heard Leo shout.

"RAPH! We found him! We need your help though!"

Raph was confused now, the two of them couldn't pick Mikey up? "Comin'!"

As Raph trudged through the water he finally saw as to why they couldn't just get him up. Mikey was leaned up against the bridges wall pinned by what looked to be a very recently fallen concrete part of the bridge, it had fallen on his left arm. As if that wasn't bad enough the apparent liquor bottle Mikey had been holding was smashed into his arm due to the heavy slab of concrete falling on it.

Don looked like he was about to puke everywhere at the scene of it, the bottle had been smashed into mostly large bits which had impaled Mikeys arm and hand completely. "I checked his vitals and I think he has major alcohol poisoning as well. We...we have to get him home now."

Leo and Raph nodded then worked together to lift the fairly large slab of concrete off of Mikey who hadn't even flinched throughout the process. Raph took the liberty of lifting Mikey up off the ground and into his arms where he tried to steady Mikey as comfortably as possible. The young turtle looked horribly pale even in the dim lighting of the street lights as the three of them ran back towards the lair, Leo shook his head, he still couldn't believe what was happening, _my baby brother, an alcoholic? No...I can't believe this._

Upon entering the lair Leo reported to Master Splinters room to quickly inform him of the situation at hand, Splinters reaction was silent but Leo could tell he was strongly disappointed.

"This is grave news my son, I shall check on Michelangelo a little while after Donatello is finished. Until then I will have to meditate on this, If I approach Michelangelo with such rage it may encourage further... addiction for him. Do you and your brothers have this under control?"

Leo nodded shocked, he had told of the gruesome details of Mikeys state but Splinter had froze up when he had heard they found Mikey passed out drunk. He gulped knowing they could use all the help they could get, "yes Sensei we have it under control."

Splinter nodded and Leo took his last bow, upon entering the lab Raph looked up surprised at not seeing Splinter. "He...didn't come?"

Leo shook his head and sighed, "ok Donnie you have me and Raph. What do we need to do?"

Don rubbed at his face furiously as he typed away on his computer and looked up reference books and reliable sights. "Ok! Make sure he stays laid on his side, I need you two to remove the broken glass."

"Gatcha." Leo snatched two pairs of tweezers and quickly sterilized them, after doing this he handed a pair to Raph and the two began their job.

Raph held back a gag as he pulled out a particularly larger piece of glass from Mikeys forearm, it appeared the vein was somehow not damaged but Mikeys arm would definitely need stitches. It was only one of his arms thankfully but it appeared his hand took most of the hit. Leo eyed the heart monitor anxiously as he removed the small bits of glass in Mikeys hand.

Meanwhile Don read quickly and sighed, "ok, thankfully their is no special treatment needed but I will perform some blood samples to see how much alcohol is in his system. Until then let me stitch him up, thank you both for your help. Could you get some extra pillows and blankets please?"

As Leo and Raph left to retrieve the few requested things Donnie paced trying to clear his head before he began to clean and stitch Mikeys hand and arm. Twenty stitches in all. Don shook his head, honestly Mikey was very lucky to be alive given the state he was found in. Although his pulse was still too weak for Dons liking.

After Don completed the stitches and put extra blankets over Mikey he gave Leo and Raph the small chore of looking over their baby brother as he took Mikeys blood and went to go test it to see just what the blood alcohol level in his system was.

Don was beyond astonished as the results came out: 0.40. Don looked up the charts of blood alcohol levels and saw the risks at being of this level of intoxication, he gulped as his stomach turned. Mikey had really ruined himself this time, they would have to watch him 24/7. Don decided to then insert an I.V. drip containing all of the nutrients and hydration Mikey would need to flush out the alcohol.

He collapsed back into his lab chair and eyed the sleeping turtle, "Raph...how long did you say he has been at this?"

"About three weeks now."

"That's plenty of time to get addicted...jeez..."

Leo rubbed at his arms anxiously, "so what now Donnie?"

"Well...we wait till he wakes up and ask questions...then he's ganna go through detox which to be honest will be a living hell for all of us. Then...he's going to recover and we will watch over him better. That's the intended plan anyways."

Raph grunted, "what's so complicated about this plan? Sounds straight forward to me."

"Its not that simple...with alcoholic detox he will experience some serious withdraw symptoms. I would like to look more into it before saying much more but it won't be easy."

"Doesn't matter, either way Mikey will be taken care of, we will help him." Leo said confidently.

"Lets hope so...how did Master Splinter take the news? Clearly not well...He hadn't been in here to check on Mikey once and we have been here for about two hours now."

"He...didn't say much, he's very disappointed."

"We can't let him get to Mike guys. I know it's dishonorable for him to have been doing all this but the squirt is fighting demons that we just don't see yet. I think if we coax him enough he will spill, he's never told me everything, not even on his worse alcohol nights."

Leo and Don nodded, "we'll take care of Mikey. We have to."

Little did any of them know that the road ahead wasn't as 'straight forward' as all of them hoped it would be, because with great change came great conflict.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed! The next chapter is already underway so please be patient. ^-^**


	6. Old Habits, New Addictions

****Trigger Warning/ Just Because: Alcohol usage, mild self harm occurrence, and some cussing for effect! Enjoy~**

* * *

The next two days were hellish for the three elder turtles as they watched their baby brother lay lifelessly on the medical bed. His heart rate was steady and they had even replaced the gauze around his arm in the short amount of time he had been out.

Finally, after two whole days, Mikey finally opened his tired red eyes.

Raph was the first to notice, "Mikey! Bro. Ya scared the shot outta us. Ya alright?"

Mikey glared at Raph, "what?"

Don stepped forward anxiously as Raph clenched his fists. "Mikey...we found you under a bridge severely intoxicated, a slab of concrete had actually fallen on you and broke a liquor bottle into your arm, not to mention if you were under there much longer the water would have risen above you and you would have not been sober enough to wake up and run.

In fact, I was sure you were going to fall into some sort of coma Mikey...I was sure of it." Don couldn't help but feel a bit of anger at Mikeys reaction as he said these disturbing facts, apparently he wasn't the only one.

"Mikey did you hear Donnie? You could have died, or gotten severely injured! Doesn't that bother you?! Because it sure as shell bothered us!" Leo exclaimed.

"Huh...what do you all want a thank you? Well then, thank you SO much for everything. Sorry I fucked your night up. Promise next time it will be way farther from here so you just won't find me."

The three were taken aback by the tone and cussing but there was, of course, one turtle that recovered quickly.

"That's what you think Mike! Ya think we are ganna let ya off the hook now? Ya just freakin' confessed that you were ganna run off and do this again, why would we let you go?!" Raph was so pissed now he couldn't see straight, Leo took notice in this quickly and decided to let the most empathetic turtle take on this job for now.

"Come on Raph, let's go make some lunch, I'm sure Mikey is very hungry, right Mikey?"

The orange clad turtle simply shrugged this question off, it was all Leo needed though. "See? So let's go."

He all but dragged Raph to the kitchen as the short tempered turtle grumbled threats and curse words.

Meanwhile Don stood very unsure of himself as he eyed Mikey, the younger of the two simply stared back at him.

"Are you in any type of pain?"

Mikey chuckled darkly, "no, unless you have some powerful painkillers to knock me out, I'm fine."

Don shivered at how dark Mikeys voice was, it was not natural. "Hah, well you are out of luck then I only give those if you have a severe injury. Now, if I may...can I ask some important questions?"

Mikey shrugged, "go for it."

"So...clearly you have become dependent on alcohol, correct?"

"Now hold up, I'm not dependent Don, if I was then that's like saying I'd be addicted. No, I'm in control."

"Ah! I see...sorry for the quick judgment there." Don then wrote in small lettered 'denial' As his first symptom on his small notepad.

"How long have you been doing this Mikey? You won't get in trouble I promise I just like to keep detailed files on the four of us to have accurate medical facts later on."

"Sheesh, I dunno like...one week, nothing huge. I'm not addicted." Mikey lied.

"I didn't ask if you were-"

"Just clarifying."

"Hm, I see. Well you do realize how bad this stuff is right Mikey? It can damage your liver and-"

"I know Donnie. I know."

"What made you turn to this? Were you upset?"

Mikey flinched and wringed his hands, "why so many stupid questions Don? Like this is ganna help you later on..."

"I promise it's all confidential Mikey."

"Hah, yea well...guess I did it because I wanted to. There. Write that one down cuz that's all you're getting."

Don sighed as he looked down at his notepad, 'denial', 'not honest', 'monotone', 'insisted denial- claimed he was not addicted even when not asked', 'unnaturally not trusting'. "That's all I needed, thank you Mikey."

"Yea sure."

Soon enough Leo came in with two turkey sandwiches and a glass full of soda along with a small bag of chips. "Here you are Mikey!" Leo said cheerfully as possible as he layed the contents on the small table in front of Mikey.

A grumble of a thank you was heard before Mikey ate all of the food greedily, Leo cleared the empty table off as Mikey finished.

"Alright Don, I'm pretty sure the only injury I have is this arm and that is definitely not enough to keep me bed ridden."

"Um...where do you plan to go?"

"Just...topside for some fresh air."

Raph stepped forward, "afraid ya can't do that Mike. We're all grounded from goin' topside, so no 'fresh air' for you. Too bad."

Mikey glared at Raph, "what the hell is that supposed to mean? You think I'm lying?!"

"Of course I do! Hell Mike we all do! You're just ganna go get shit faced again!"

"Shut up!"

"Make me."

In the few seconds that this statement was made Mikey had already jumped out of the medical bed and planted a fist right across Raphs face, Leo and Don were quick to hold him back as Raph gathered himself.

As Raph drew his fist back a old and angry voice burst into the room stopping the fight instantly. "YAME!"

Each turtle back away from the other and sat. Mikey on the bed, Don beside him, Leo and Raph sat on stray chairs beside the bed.

"The three of you get out, I must speak with Michelangelo."

Raph glared at Mikey as he exited the lab.

Splinter took a seat beside Mike and carefully took his arm into his hands, Mikey had spilled his drink on the gauze as he was trying to attack Raph. "I will rewrap this If you let me my son."

Mikey nodded quietly as Master Splinter carefully removed the appendages from his arm revealing the nasty but neat stitch work currently holding Mikeys arm together.

"My son, I sense great turmoil is plaguing you. I have also been informed that you were found heavily intoxicated a few nights ago. Is this true?"

Mikey nodded quitley.

"Raphael has since spoken to me about your state, he says you have been at this for about three weeks now. That is in fact signs of dependency on this substance. No act of denial will tell me otherwise Michelangelo. That is why from this point on I am grounding not only you but you and your brothers from going topside.

My master Yoshi was once struck with this horrific addiction as well. It is why I have strict rules against this powerful substance. Luckily his loved ones and friends helped him, we shall do the same with you my son."

"But Master Splinter I'm not even addicted!"

Splinter saw the anger in Mikeys eyes as he insisted, "we shall see in the coming days."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mikey spat. He knew he was speaking to his master out of context but he was tired of feeling like he was getting looked down on. He wanted answers for once, and he wanted them now.

"My son, I shall let your brothers explain to you what is about to take place. If you ever need to talk please come to me, and remember."

Mikey rolled his eyes, "remember wh-"

Master Splinter wrapped him up in a hug and whispered, "I love you my son." He then exited quickly wiping a few tears away as he let the others back in.

Don let Mikey sit back in the medical bed and tested his blood of alcohol once more, as he was drawing blood Raph scratched the back of his neck and sighed, "I'm sorry Mike, I didn't mean to take things that far."

Mikey sighed, "it's fine Raph, don't apologize. I'm...messed up right now."

Leo saw regret and anxiety deeply embedded in Mikeys eyes as he said this. 'So he does know something's wrong at least, I guess that's a plus. Something tells me that he still won't allow us to help though.'

Raph pulled Mikey into a hug, his tears stinging as he held them back, "shut up Mike. Let us help you. We will regardless but...please just accept our help."

Mikeys eyes dulled completely at this, "ok."

Don and Leo shuddered at this, it was not an agreement, it seemed it was defeat. Mikey was not doing this for himself as he should, he was doing it for them.

As the day dragged on Don discovered no more alcoholic content in Mikeys system. "Now Mikey, over the course of the next week or so you will be watched-"

"Not creepy at all, hah." Mikey gulped.

"Haha yea well it's all in good nature Mikey I promise. I have to warn you that some of these withdraw symptoms will be extremely uncomfortable but remember that we will be there to help you. Ok?"

Mikey blankly nodded and sat back, "I think I'm ganna go to sleep, rest up for the hell I'm about to go through."

The three eldest nodded and left the lab to talk in the kitchen.

Don put a hand to his face, "jeez, he looks so..."

"Defeated." Leo finished. "Yea I noticed that too...He seems so sad now, all that aggravation and anger just disappeared. Is that...good?"

Don shook his head, "that basically tells me that we need to watch over him even more now. If he is sad now then he will be depressed later. This detox is going to destroy him...but there is no other way we can let him go back! It's already been two days but that doesn't particularly count sense he's been in deep sleep and I can tell he is already itching for a drink. We will take turns watching him, after he gets up I will ask him some questions, I will ask him more and more everyday and further my research on this whole process."

"Well, I will go watch over him right now if that's alright with you two." Leo offered.

Don and Raph nodded as he walked off, Don made his way to the kitchen where he set up his laptop and forth cup of coffee.

"Well Donnie...how long is this ganna last?"

"Hm...it's really hard to tell, it could be a week to maybe even two weeks depending on how he handles it."

"Jeez...so these symptoms...are they ganna be crazy or somthin? You seem pretty scared."

"No, no...just concerned on how he will take it is all. He's in a very fragile state Raph."

"Yea...yea he is. He wouldn't be if I hadn't just-"

"Stop that. There are no what ifs now. You did help him, he probably wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you! In fact-" Don pulled Raph into a surprising hug, "thank you Raphael, I know it may sound strange but...of all people to have found Mikey in that state all those times...I'm glad it was you."

"Why?!"

"Because, like it or not you are alot more sympathetic then you think, especially towards Mikey."

Raph sighed, "maybe...hah, thanks Don. I'm ganna go get some sleep, get me up when it's my turn."

Don nodded happily as Raph trudged off to his room.

Raphs P.O.V

_Egh, what time is it? Whoa- it's already eight at night! I've been asleep since three?! Jeez...guess I was really tired. Time to go check on Mike-_

"YOU SHUT THE HELL UP DON!"

_Shell_.

Raph flipped off his bed and sprinted towards the source of the sound only to find a shaking Mikey holding a bottle in his hand as he was being cornered in his own room.

Leo stopped him before he could rush in to help Don calm the hysterical Mikey down.

"The shell is goin' on?"

Leo rubbed at his face, "it was Dons turn, he let Mikey go upstairs alone to get some comics but after he didnt come back for a few minutes Don got suspicious. He went up to Mikeys room and found him hidden behind his bed sipping on what he's holding now. Looks like he has some sort of stash somewhere."

Raph sighed miserably, "why is he freakin out though? He should know this was going to happen."

Leo shrugged, "beats me. As soon as Don found him he started screaming at him to shut up, he hasn't even talked yet! Don says it's some sort of minor hallucination and that Mikey will need to be kept on the lab at all times for the first few days now."

"Then why ain't we helping?!"

It was then that Don gave Leo the signal to enter, Mikey was on the ground now crying as Don held the bottle behind him to give to Leo.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Raph sighed as he helped Don to lift Mikey up, Mike made no attempt to try to walk at this point so the two hauled him to the lab and onto the medical bed. Leo entered seconds later, closing and locking the lab door as he came in.

The three sat quietly around Mikey as he cried hysterically, each of them trying to make him feel better. A few moments later he was hunched back against the propped up bed and staring blankly at the nearest wall. He refused to talk to anyone or about anything.

Finally Raph was the only one watching the broken turtle as Leo and Don soon went to go try attempt to find the rest of Mikeys stash.

"Mikey."

...

"Mike bro, come on."

...

"Shit, say somethin' I know ya can hear me!"

"...What?"

"What happened back there Mike?"

"I dunno, I was thirsty."

"So you thought alcohol was ganna make that need better?"

"...Yeah."

"Shell Mike I'm sure Don woulda got you something healthy to drink. You realize that right?"

Mikey shrugged, Raph gritted his teeth even more.

"Is that all ya got stashed?"

"Sure."

"Doesn't sound so sure."

"Fine...then yea. I'm sure that's it."

Mikey then closed his eyes and, in less then a minute, was fast asleep.

Raph huffed, _this is so messed up...so messed up! Mikey of all people. Why?! What the shell are we ganna do, detox just started all over and its only been a couple of hours. This is pathetic._

It was then when the lab door slid open to reveal Don and Leo carrying in about five other little bottles, most were empty and some had the tiniest yet still enough to intoxicate left in them.

"So much for being sure.." Raph grumbled to himself as he looked down at the bottles with his brothers.

Don slid down the wall he was leaning against and shook his head, "jeez...it's ganna be one shell of a week."

Taking the fair sized calender off the wall Leo grabbed a marker and began to scribble on each square.

He marked 'start' on the current date- May 1st. On the fourth day he put 'reward' then on the seventh day he put 'reward' once more he did this again on the tenth and thirteenth and sixteenth as well.

"What the shell is this Leo?"

"This is how we're ganna keep up with Mikey, and how he will keep motivated to go through with this. Every few days he will receive a reward of his choice! For the days between these reward days we can do little counseling sessions and try to spend family time with him."

Don nodded at this, "that's brilliant! We can expose him to things he used to enjoy as well. Anything to keep his mind off of his addiction. I can research questions that we can ask and we can think up our own to too."

Raph thought about this a while and quickly retrieved three different colored notebooks from his room. "Here, one for each of us. This way we can document his progress."

"Document? Progress? Spoken like a true counsler, I like it!" Don smiled as Raph chucked a notebook at him.

"Yeah well, ya know. Just want the best for him, you guys go get some sleep, I got this."

Leo and Don both nodded without much argument, they were beat and Raph could tell he was the only one with the right amount of sleep on his side.

Once he knew he was alone he sat on a chair seated right beside Mikeys bed and held tightly onto Mikeys hand. "Mikey, I love you bro, it kills me to see you like this. Please stop fighting this and let us help, we have your back bro. I promise."

The next time Mikey woke up sure enough Raph was there holding a plate of freshly baked pizza and a glass of ice cold chocolate milk. Mikey thought back to before his alcoholism, this used to be his absolute favorite meal of all time.

He accepted the glass and pizza with a slight worry he would no longer enjoy the simplicity of such a meal. Sure enough Mikey found himself asking for seconds, Raph didn't like that his voice was still monotone but at this point he would take any other attitude of Mikeys other then pure anger and rage.

As he watched Mikey pick at his second plate of food Raph decided to take a chance and quietly get out a drawing pad.

Mikey noticed instantly, "what's that?"

"Figured you wanted to doodle or somthin' while you were trapped in here."

Mikey responded to this by taking the drawing pad hesitantly. "Thanks...what should I draw?"

Raph rubbed the back of his head, "I figured that when all these symptoms started you would need something to do...I'm sure that will soon be your inspiration."

Sure enough only a few hours of conversation later Raph noticed Mikey starting to get more and more restless. It went from him tapping his fingers against the bed railing to him snapping non stop.

"Mikey...you alright?"

Mikey huffed a huge sigh, "I dunno...does it seem hot in here to you? I need to walk...or ...or somthing."

Raph quickly gave Mikey a glass of water, "bro you alright?"

Mikey nodded, "yea. I'm just...hot. Doesn't matter, I'm just...I must be tired."

"Well, get some shut eye bro you look like you need it." Raph sighed as Mikey fell into a troubled sleep, he ended up putting small bags of ice over Mikeys arms and face. The sleeping turtle didn't even flinch as Raph set the bags of ice on him, Don entered as Raph finished this job.

"Raph, what are you doing?"

Raph rubbed at his face in aggravation, "he just started sweating out of nowhere!"

Don looked up at the clock, "it's been about six hours so I suppose it's to be expected...we have to be ready to help him at all costs."

Raph nodded and decided to take the opportunity to switch roles with Don.

**MAIN STORY**

It was only fifteen minutes later into his role when Mikey did stir, as soon as he woke up he insisted he walk around the lair. Don stood close by surveying him as he walked about. "Mikey...you feeling ok?"

Mikey wiped his forehead for the millionth time it seemed as he nodded, "I just...gatta do something Don. I'm going crazy I dunno why damnit!"

"Just calm down Mikey! We can find you somthing to do! How about some video games?"

"...fine whatever let's just hurry."

Don took notice as Mikey wringed his hands, he threw him a controller. "Super Mario sound alright?"

Mikey nodded.

Only two minutes into the game and Mikey was game over, Don finished up the round with luck and the two disregarded the bad play.

Don picked the easiest level of the world's offered, yet Mikey died once more, "jeez Mikey...you had five lives, the shell happened?" Don joked.

"I don't know!" Mikey threw the remote down, several buttons flew off of the controller on impact with the concrete flooring. After this he jumped up and ran to the nearest lockable room.

"Hey! Mike- come back!"

Mikey slammed the bathroom door and slid down to the floor in a heap. "Damnit...what's wrong with me?!" Mikey looked at his shaking hands and let out a whimper as he watched them tremor.

"This...this...I can't do this!" Mikey slammed his hands against the wall as he let out a strangled cry, Don beat on the door desperately.

"Come on Mikey! Come out here!"

Mikey searched desperately through the bathroom drawers and cabinets, he gasped as he pricked his finger on a left over kuni that had somehow ended up in the bathroom drawers. In a house of ninjas such things as this weren't uncommon, it still caught Mikey off guard though. 'Shell! The heck...wow...'

Suddenly a new sensation hit Mikey, not quite the sense of comfort but more of control as he watched the tiny droplet of blood bubble up and start trickling down his cut finger.

"Mikey!"

_Uh oh...Raph, it's only a matter of time before-_

CRACK.

"You open this freakin' door Mike! Before I break it down!"

Mikey quickly hid the small sharp knife snug in his belt pocket as he unlocked the door. Don and Raph both quickly looked him over and guided him back to the lab, these actions alone somehow pissed Mikey off even more. "I can get here on my own guys."

"Right, uh, sorry Mikey..."

"What the shell happened is what I wanna know!" Raph exclaimed.

Mikey tucked his hands under his legs so his brothers would not notice the trembling. "I-I just got mad...broke down a little. That's it."

Don and Raph each looked at each other for assurance, "we will be right back Mikey...I need to do some research and Leo has been asleep for a while, are you ok with sitting here for a minute?"

Mikey glared at Donnie, "I think I'll be fine, thanks."

As the two left Mikey quickly cleaned his now barely bleeding finger and removed the blade from his belt. This was a whole different feeling...never before had Michelangelo felt so desperate. He wiped the sweat off his forehead as he tucked the blade back in its place.

_Well...maybe it will help me get through whatever is about to happen, I need a way to cope after all. It's perfect_

"Perfect."


	7. The Blade

****Trigger Warning: Self harm****

* * *

Mikey gasped in heavy labored breaths as he tossed and turned all night, it had been a whole day of alcohol free hell. He had sweat profusely and hacked up everything he had even thought about eating. Don had tried to give him the lightest of foods like soup and lightly buttered toast but to no avail Mikey would unwillingly rid his stomach of it.

The next morning Mikey woke for the fifth time and stayed awake, he looked over to find Leo snoozing against his bed. He sighed and, with much hesitation, removed the blade from his belt pocket. Mikey stared down at it as he flipped it around in his hand, _if I can get that same sensation...that same feeling...then I could get past this bullshit detox._

Mikey removed his wrist cuff with a nervous sigh, he pressed the blade to his wrist with quite tension building behind it.

_Do I really want to- just do it. Do it. I need this relief. DO IT._

He swiped.

_One line, one red perfect line._

He let out a shutter as he watched the line grow,he watched as the blood expanded over the new wound and spilled over the thin barrier holding it back making a small stream trickle down his arm.

As Leo began to stir Mikey quickly grabbed a disregarded napkin and folded it then stuffed it under his wrist cuff directly over the fresh cut. As for the blade, Mikey carefully stuck it in his belt once more.

He let out a shaky breath. _What the shell...it's not the same feeling that alcohol gives me by any means but...it's exhilarating. It's...it's...perfect and best of all I can hide it! It doesn't impair anything but the skin I have hidden from them all._

Mikey didn't realize but tears were also streaming down his face now, his stomach still had unsettled butterflys from what he had just done. He was in control though, that's all that mattered. That was all that ever had mattered.

As Mikey started to calm down he felt the gags coming on, he started dry heaving violently causing Leo to immediately awaken.

"Mikey! Alright Mikey calm down, it's alright, stay calm." Leo rubbed tiny circles on Mikeys shell as he spoke hoping that it would calm the distressed turtle.

Mikey finally took calm and steady breaths, "sorry about that...s-something just came over me I guess! Hah."

"Its alright bro, jeez, your still sweating pretty bad. Here-" Leo dipped all of the now warm towels they had set on Mikeys forehead into ice cold water, as soon as he replaced the towels Mikey sighed In relief.

"Thanks Leo..."

Leo sat back officially content with Mikeys current physical state once more, although he was a bit confused on Mikeys mentality. Mikey had went back to being very negative and moody after he had recovered from his little breakdown with Don, but now it seemed like he was at least ok with Leo being there- for now.

Leo shrugged it off, Don had told him that Mikeys moods would go to one extreme to the other during this process due to the sheer stress of it all. He had also warned everyone that Mikey was in fact emotionally unstable and that, that fact alone held warnings to watch him as closely as possible.

Leo looked Mikey over and sighed as he saw the slight tremors wracking throughout his body. He then remembered the calender that they had yet to show Mikey. But first- Leo took out his notebook and clicked his pen then looked at the different questions he had been wanting to ask Mikey. Before he could speak he heard a sigh.

"You too?"

"...Huh?"

"Raph and Don have notebooks too...when they ask me questions they write every syllable I say in those things. Why?"

"Well, we had kind of reached an agreement that we would each pick a special set of personal questions that way we could help kind of guide and track you through this process."

Mikey shrugged, "I'm strangely willing this time around so might as well ask while you still can."

"Really?!"

Mikey frowned, "I'm rethinking it."

"No! Alright, ok...well I guess the first question is where did you get all the alcohol? Raph had some speculations but we were never sure."

"Got it from this guy I met one night, he just kept coming back after that. Probably because I just kept buying."

Leo nodded at this, _had a alcohol seller that he had meet up with every night? It could have been a foot soldier or purple dragon member, the drinks he bought could have easily been poisoned. No Leo, just keep asking questions while you still can._

"Next would be...why did you do it?" Leo knew it was a stretch but this could very well be the only moment in the detox stage that they would get any real answer.

"I...Leo...shit I dunno..."

"That's ok! That's just fine, how about...well tell me how getting that intoxicated made you feel?"

"Invincible. In control. Like...I was actually alive."

Leo held in a small gasp as he saw Mikey deflate into his bed, his bright eyes now dulled back to their now usual lifeless state.

Nonetheless Leo wrote Mikeys answer word for word, when he tried for another question Mikey cut him off.

"I'm...done."

Leo saw the slight flinch before Mikey brought a hand to his head, "You alright?"

"Headache...bad..."

"I gatcha bro." Leo quickly gave Mikey two Ibuprohins, he watched as Mikey fell back into a restless sleep.

He then walked over to the calender, so far one day was checked off, Leo saw all the days ahead, his heart sunk as he realized just how much time this would take. He wanted Mikey better now, not thirty days from now, the good part of all this was that if Mikey got past one more day he would get a reward of his choice. Leo hoped that would at least motivate Mikey a bit through all this chaos.

Don coughed a little while entering the lab immediately alerting Leo. "Hey Don."

"Hey! How's Mikey?"

"Alot better now, he's really calmed down! I even got some questions in!"

Don let out a relieved sigh, "that's really good! I contacted leatherhead on this issue-"

"Why?!" Leo didn't like the fact that Don was telling anyone outside the family, he knew Mikey wouldn't approve of anyone else knowing about his condition at the moment.

"Relax. I needed further information on all this Leo, if we truly want Mikey getting better healthily then we have to know the facts. LH said he would help us through this and that he would be over soon. He knows alot about this subject- as you know his medical knowledge highly outranks mine. So this way Mikey won't be at risk for any complications because my lack of well-"

"Knowledge. I get it Don, I'm sorry to jump to conclusions so quickly. I just don't want alot of our friends to know. Mikey wouldn't approve of all that, ya know?"

Don nodded, "I gatcha. I'm sure he won't take this well either, but it had to be done in this case."

"Very true...so...the sweating and vomiting...is that all he will go through?"

"I'm afraid not."

Leo looked over to find Don making a very distressed frown. "What else then? Surely it couldn't be that bad!"

...

"Don?"

"Right! No...um...oh who am I kidding? Yes Leo, it can and probably will get worse."

"How so..."

"Well, I'm not really one hundred percent on all the details and statistics but when Leather head comes over he and I will go over these things then I plan to have a family meeting over it while Mikey is asleep tonight."

"I see...well...sounds like a plan then but at least tell me this...he will make it right?"

Don sighed, "he has shown great first recovery signs so far, a few complications of course but they are usual and were expected so that answer for now is a yes."

Leo frowned, _for now..._

"Don't overthink this Leo. It'll be alright, just have faith in him!" Don smiled a bit.

"Hah! You're right. Mikey is not weak at all, why am I even worrying?"

In the next few hours LH did in fact make his appearance, at this time Raph was now watching over Mikey while Don and Leo quietly welcomed him in the living room then guided him over to the lab where Mikey lay eating a plate of toast.

"Look at there Mike, ya got a visitor!"

Mikey finished his toast and shrunk down in his sheets as he saw his friend walk into the room, he was embarrassed and out raged. But he swallowed all that emotion and spoke carefully, maybe LH didn't know anything? Long shot but Mikey hoped that was the case and this was just a surprise visit. "Leatherhead! How goes it?!"

"I am a bit perplexed my friend, how are you?"

Mikeys stomach turned with the questions as he felt his wrist sting from recent cuts he had made only a short few moments ago while Raph was off making him lunch. "Good!" Such a lie...

"Michelangelo, I have been informed of your current state as of now. My friend, I am here to help."

Mikeys face burned with embarrassment and rage, his eyes pricked with tears and his hands balled up in fists.

Everyone saw how tense he had gotten as Leatherhead made this statement.

"T-thanks...I...-"

"I too had a friend to struggle with this Michelangelo. I understand the rage you are feeling right now, do not think just because this is all happening that you are less then any of us. I promise you that is not the case, we all care a great deal for you and wish to help. Alright?"

Mikey was shocked at this but he nodded all the same not feeling as bad now. "Thank you."

Leatherhead smiled and proceeded with Don and Leo out of the lab, "I will see you soon my friend! Get some rest, these next rounds of symptoms will not be as easy to get through as the first."

Mikey and Raph both freaked a bit at that statement.

"What did he mean by that Raph? I thought this was it...and that it was going to fade."

Raph shook his head, "I honestly dunno Mike, but once I find out I sure as shell will let you know. I mean it can't be as bad as he says...you have been clean since...let's see...36 hours almost last time I heard! That's almost a day and a half Mike, that's great! I dunno what other things are comin' but I don't think there ganna be that bad."

Mikey sighed, "they probably will be...but oh well. I guess I deserve it after all that I have put you guys through."

"Stop that...let's not focus on that! Let's- oh! Didja see the calendar Leo made? It's kinda stupid but he felt like it would help." Raph held up the oversized calender and pointed towards the top where there was one square checked, you got two more days, including this one, till you get a prize of your choice!"

Mikey laughed at this, "so every three to four days I get a prize? Well...keeps things interesting I guess. Why would he do that? In fact...why are you all doing all this?"

Raph was a bit caught off by the question, "what do ya mean Mikey?"

"Well...it just seems like everyone is really being careful around me. I don't like it, and since when did you all care this much?"

Raph sighed, "Mike...I know it may not seem like it 24/7 but you mean alot to us bro. And the fact that you almost drank yourself to death and almost drowned in a river and that we found you bleeding everywhere kind of woke us up to how fragile of a state you are in."

"I'm not fragile."

"I didn't say that! You are strong Mikey, but something in your mind right now is just a little off because of the alcohol addiction and whatever caused it in the first place. We have to be careful with how we handle all this so you don't have to go through it again."

Mikey hummed, "I guess that makes sense...I still don't think I was addicted though. I just...had nothing else to do."

"Or you had nothing left to turn to my son."

Mikey and Raph spun around to find Master Splinter standing in the doorway.

"Raphael, a moment please."

Raph quickly left leaving Mikey and Master Splinter in a cool silence. "How do you fair Michelangelo?"

"Alright."

"I see, that is good to hear, here you are. Specially made to soothe you." Master Splinter said as he placed a small but strong cup if tea in front of Mikey.

Mikey took a sip finding the cool flavors in fact soothing him, "I don't think I've ever had this! What is it this time-" Mikey let out a loud sneeze and quickly brought a hand to his face then sighed letting Master Splinter finally answer.

"Some of my most special blended teas, I felt as if you would appreciate it."

Mikey smiled at this, Master Splinter was the only one of the family that was not freaking out about the whole situation in his eyes. Every time they would talk Master Splinter would just talk as he normally did and give him the most amazing teas and different foods. It kept Mikeys mind off of all the chaos and idiocy his brothers caused him hour by hour.

"So my son, how are you?"

Mikey sighed not noticing the fact that this question had been repeated, "I am stressed out Master. Bad."

"Why is this?"

"LH is here now and I dunno...it makes me feel like some dumb kid, they all are acting like I'm a five year old. I hate it! Everyone accept you is just being ridiculous."

Master Splinter hummed at this, "I see, is this all you are distressed about? Have there been anymore cravings of alcohol as of late?"

"Definatly it almost hurts...but I have actually found a way to keep my mind off of it a little bit."

Master Splinters ears perked up at this possible hope for Mikeys recovery, "and what is that my son?"

"Well now when ever I feel the urge to drink I just make a big cu-"

"Master Splinter. Would you please join LH, Leo and I in the dojo?" Don interrupted quietly.

"Yes Donatello, I shall be there soon."

As Don nodded and walked off Master Splinter set a hand on Mikeys shoulder, "I shall return my son, for now, sleep."

Mikey dozed off into a blissful sleep, Raph came into the lab startled to find the once wide awake Mikey now fast asleep. Master Splinter replaced the rags Mikey had on him and sighed, "he is in deep distress. But thankfully he seems to have found some hobby to decrease the urges to drink."

Raph made a face at all the information that Master Splinter spoke of, "he told you all that? I have been trying to get that information forever! How did you do that?"

Master Splinter looked down and sighed, "this is the sweet jasmine tea, anyone who drinks it is bound to speaking nothing but the truth no matter the question.

"Masta Splinta...I mean that's great that we know now an all but don't cha think that's wron-"

"Yes. But without me doing this we would never get anywhere with helping Michelangelo recover. Sometimes wrong has to be done to make a right my son. This is sadly one of those times."

Raph nodded, "so you have been getting answers...when will we get to hear what he said though?"

"Right now my son. The rest of us are having a meeting in the dojo right now to discuss the next step for Michelangelo."

"But what if he wakes up?"

"Do not worry about that, the herbs I put into the tea cause sleepiness as well, he will be that way for a while."

"Alright then, let's have this meeting! Finally some progress!"

Master Splinter smiled, "hopefully so."

As the two walked away and closed the lab door Mikey turned quickly and vomited all the tea up in the nearest trash can to his bed. He chuckled after he was done and hoped to the sweet Lord that he had not said too much.

He sat back and sighed, _do they think I'm a complete idiot?_

He remembered the first two or three time Master Splinter had done this little tea stunt.

Right after the first time he understood what had happened and had smuggled gag pills as he liked to call them from Dons medicine cabinet. He had gotten caught with them but he had come up with a believable story to back him up, then he kept three or four pills from the now locked up bottle in his pillow case.

Now every time he saw Master Splinter with a cup he immediately 'sneezed' or 'coughed' and quickly downed the tea in one gulp along with the pill. Sure enough ten minutes of talking and unconsciousness later Mikey upchucked the tea once more.

Usually when he did he was all alone, the others always ate under the assumption he was in his unconscious state. Once he was up the time was his to take up, every time this would happen, which was about four times now, Mikey would usually enjoy just being alone and relax but this time was different.

He slipped the blade out of his pocket and slid it across his wrist as many times as he pleased, eventually he went to the other wrist but as he soon ran out of room there as well he was forced to move back to the near healed previous wrist. He did this over and over, cuts overlapped cuts and scars overlapped scars.

He made a line for every fake joke, every fake smile, every urge to drink, every frustration, every misunderstanding, every rage filled thought he had. Everything. And with every time he cut Mikey went deeper and deeper even more times then the last. He wasn't scared in the slightest when he would bleed for a good ten minutes, there were perks in not caring what happened to himself he assumed.

Finally after he had done his damage he let out a shaky sigh and held the all familiar blood stained hidden towel to his wrist and waited till he felt this so called 'meeting' was coming to an end.

As he slipped his wrist cuff back on, careful not to reopen anything, he sighed laying back in his bed. Both wrists stung with fresh cuts now, Mikey had no regrets, this is what they wanted all along, him alcohol free. He was doing this for them, so that maybe they would finally just be happy with him and not disappointed.

As he waited he found himself drifting off, soon enough he was asleep letting Raph find him snoozing.

Raph walked in oblivious to the horrors that were taking place in his baby brothers head as he sat down next to Mikey and took his hand.

"Well Mikey...it's ganna be a long ride but we- we..." In that moment Raph broke down thinking that the now secretly awake Mikey was sound asleep under the affects of the tea.

"Shell Mike...why..."

Mikey then wondered what could have happened in the meeting to make the red clad turtle act this way, he decided to play it safe and listen to Raphs mumblings.

"Mikey...I know ya can't hear me...but...but shit please just...stay strong through all this no matter what. You gatta...if not for yourself then for me! Please...please."

Mikey choose that moment to open his eyes and do what he hadn't done in months, he pulled Raph into a hug. "Raph...I don't know what you all talked about but bro...it's ganna be ok."

Mikey was lying through his teeth but at this point he had caused himself so much self inflicted pain that he wasn't afraid of any minor comfort issues ahead anymore. In reality he wanted to know what happened and what was going to happen but for now that could wait because his big brother never cried. He needed him now, and frankly Mikey was ready to help someone else instead of being taken care of himself.

A few minutes later Raph broke from the hug and wiped at his eyes furiously. "Sorry bro...it was an intense meeting. I'm just worried for ya."

"Jeez Raph it can't be that bad."

Raph shook his head, "I dunno Mike...I ain't supposed to tell ya nothin right now so I apologize."

Mikey shook his head and tried to catch his breath from the small movements, Raph took notice and caught Mikey as he slumped forward.

"Bro?! Mikey! Ya ok?!"

"Yea...Yea sorry I'm fine! Sorry...just got lightheaded is all. Must be because I haven't got up for a while, hah! But Raph please, don't worry. As long as I got the best support team a turtle could have right beside me I can get through this. Like you said! It's been almost a day and a half now. It's all good."

Mikeys heart ached as he smiled, but this was for Raph.

Raph chuckled at this, "shell Mike...looks like ya got me there! Heh, fine, but seriously bro get more sleep right now the symptoms are ganna be keeping you up and beatin' the life outta ya."

Mikey nodded at this and turned over then began to carefully fake sleep so he could listen to Raph. As soon as he 'fell asleep' Raph grabbed onto his hand and sighed. "Mikey...you're ganna get through this...you will damnit."

Mikeys face scrunched up at that, _What the shell is going to happen to me?_

Mikey then flinched a bit at putting too much weight on his wrist, _whatever happens...I can get through it with my blade. I feel invincible again, then after I trick them all I can just get me a big secret stash. A...an yea...so sleepy..._

Soon enough Mikey was asleep, unaware of all the hardships ahead of him, unaware of all the horrible decisions that awaited him and unaware of the secret camera being placed in each corner of the lab.

* * *

**Sorry for the late update! Hope you enjoyed the chapter all the same, Mikeys got alot of recovery to do! Thank you so much for being patient, you guys are great! :)**


	8. Bleeding the Truth

**I'm so so sorry this is ridiculously late I know, it's been an insanely difficult and busy summer so thank you for being patient and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you for reading and sticking with me!**

* * *

Mikey gasped for much needed air as another unforgiving tremor racked through his body. Not far off Don, Raph,Leo and Leatherhead stood anxiously.

Raph gritted his teeth as he watched Mikeys face contort in pain, "Don, he's gettin worse. Is this normal?!"

Don nodded and sighed gripping his clipboard. "I told you this was not going to be easy Raph."

"Do not worry my friend I have set cameras around the laboratory so that we can pin point symptoms and also let him feel as if he is also gaining our trust, this will help his addiction recovery process."

Leo nodded, "That's a brilliant idea LH thank you so much for helping us again."

"Come, I have informed Michelangelo that we would be out today so let us see how he handles this sudden freedom."

Raph chuckled, "well considering its already pretty late in the afternoon we might just be watching the squirt sleep."

"Shush! He's waking up!"

The four mutants neared the computer screen as the small turtle stirred, they had set up Dons small laptop in Leo's room so they couldn't possibly be heard.

**Meanwhile...**

Mikey opened his eyes and yawned as he sat up, he looked over in surprise as he saw he was alone. He then remembered LH telling him they would be out on patrol the whole day.

The longer Mikey sat though the more anxious he became, the shaking and sweating he had been experiencing throughout his recovery were only growing worse and just the slightest sip of alcohol would cure this he knew.

_Time to ease this hell._

Taking one last glance around Mikey carefully slipped off both of his wrist bands to reveal horrific gashes and scars of gashes followed by dry blood crusted around all the wounds.

He sighed looking down at them but then found himself bringing the blade closer every second of the gaze, then with one slide of the blade yet another thin line of blood was added to the collection of cuts on his left wrist.

He didn't even notice the tears streaming down his face as he kept sliding the blade across his wrist, the more he kept cutting the more the little red lines grew and spilled over. Crimson was spilled everywhere as the unforgiving blade was switched to his other hand and started its descent on his right wrist.

**Meanwhile...**

Leo, Don, Raph and LH all watched speechless as Michelangelo, the one they all viewed as the sweet baby innocent turtle, cut into his own skin.

It wasn't until he made his third cut that someone actually found the strength to move, Raph wiped at a few stray tears and growled. "I don't think so!"

Leo and Don caught him as he tried to leave, "Raph stop!"

Raph whipped around to the ill looking crew, "are you kiddin' me?! We are not ganna let him do this! Especially now that we know!"

Don neared Raph carefully, "we won't! W-were not its just that if we rush in there now he will know about the cameras and we could lose the trust in this recovery process. Let's just take a moment to-"

"Hell no."

Before anyone had the chance to catch him Raph was already storming down to the lab not even sure what he was going to do or say. He was completely fuming off his own anger for now.

As he neared the lab an unsuspecting Michelangelo continued his gruesome work, as soon as the blade touched his skin though Mikey gasped, a cold hand now sat on his forearm forcefully. As he looked up he flinched at the desperation written on the said turtle holding his arm back.

"R-raph?! What are you doing here? I thought you-"

"Mikey...what the hell is this?! Your...your cutting yourself! What the hell?!"

Yanking his arm away from Raphs grip Mikey sighed annoyed, "your not supposed to be here..." He gulped as he heard a low growl in return.

"Yea well sorry to rain on your parade but turns out I'm not the only one here."

Mikey visibly paled at this, "what are you talking about?"

As Mikey finished his sentence in walked LH, Don and Leo. He refused to look up as they circled him, that was until he felt a forceful hand raise his chin up to meet the four stares gazing at both him and his arms.

Mikey tried to pull away but Raphs voice slipped into his consciousness, "look at our faces Mikey! What do you see right now?!"

Mikey took hesitant glances at everyone's face and started to shake more and more as he saw the desperation, anxiety and confusion. He stopped short as Raph raised his head up to meet his angry and hurt gaze. "Do you want this?! Is this what you planned! Why are you doing all this? What the hell is your problem?"

Mikey tried to respond but found he didn't have the voice to, in fact he had no energy suddenly. His arms laid bleeding at his side's and suddenly everything was too much.

Don saw the symptoms early and quickly made Raph let go of Mikey and lowered his bed to where Mikey was completely laying down on his shell instead of being propped up. Raph was infuriated as he felt his hand being slapped away but as he made a move to reclaim his angry grip on Mikey LH quickly grabbed his shoulder.

Sure enough only moments later Raph found himself holding both of Mikeys shoulder down to the hospital bed as Leo held his legs and Don and LH scrambled to get him to stop convulsing.

Raph stared blankly ahead at Mikeys exposed and still bleeding wrist, his left was coated in blood and Raph knew if he hadn't come in when he did the right would have been just the same.

Finally a few painful minutes later Mikey laid lifeless on the medical bed. Leo panted as he wiped his sweat drenched forehead, "Don...what was that?"

LH took over as he saw Don carefully cleaning Mikeys wrists and wrapping them with a broken hearted expression.

"I believe this was the next step in Michelangelos recovery process. Withdrawl seizures are unfortunately usual for this type of severe drinking detox process. The stress from this current moment probably helped set it off."

Leo nodded, "will he be ok ?"

"I believe so, we are going to run some blood tests just to be sure and Donatello or I will likely give him a check up when he awakens. Thankfully Donatello caught signs of the start of the seizure and got him in a safe position so he would not hurt himself.

Raph grunted at that, "yea, think we're a little too late to catch that action aren't we?"

"Shut up Raph!"

Time froze as all eyes fell on Don, "If you hadn't of made such a big deal out of all this then he wouldn't have freaked out like he did!"

"Oh you think this bullshit is my fault? Shove it in ya shell Donnie! If I hadn't made such a big deal then he woulda started slicing up his other freaking wrist too! Ya can't just sugar code this crap for him! He needed that and you know it so don't ya stand there and blame me for something you were too weak to pull off!"

"Get out."

"Who do ya think you ar-"

"I said get the hell out!"

Raph gritted his teeth as he stormed out of the lab and into the sewers, "whatever!"

Leo sighed and soon took off after him, usually he would let the red banded turtle sulk but in reality Leo couldn't even look at Mikey at the moment. It wasn't because he was disgusted of Michelangelos actions, it was because he was disgusted in his own.

Twice now that Mikey had hid something and took it too far, and twice had Leo looked over all the signs. _Never again._

It didn't take long for Leo to find Raphael in the sewers, the red clad turtle had tried to hide in a downed sewer tunnel but to no avail Leo had found him. "Raph, please talk to me."

"Whats there to talk about Leo? Our baby brother is an alcoholic that we just caught slicing up his own wrists and that I made go into a full blown seizure! So w-what's there ta talk about?!"

Leo flinched as he heard Raphs hand make contact with a nearby wall, "punching a wall won't help any of this go away Raph...and you know that, that seizure was not because of you. Mikey needs help...and I know it all seems out of reach right now but need I bring up when I went through my whole brooding mood after the Shredder incident. I came out better then before after all of that! And why? Because none of you all gave up on me, and we won't give up on Mikey ethier."

Shortly after his desperate speech Raph came from behind the downed sewer tunnel walking right past Leo.

Leo smiled and followed his lead back to the lair knowing that Master Splinter had probably caught word of what happened as he saw LH coming out of the dojo.

"My friends, I see you return a bit more fresh. Michelangelo has not yet awaken up yet but he should at any moment. I have informed you sensei of Michelangelos state and he took it...very harshly. He told me to tell each of you not to disturb him for now."

Leo and Raph looked at each other in unease knowing that Master Splinter strictly prohibited any such harm to one's self.

As the three walked into the lab they noticed Don had hid Mikeys wrist cuffs and taken the blade far from him. As the three neared the bed however they saw Don shaking, Leo hurried towards him only to find him clutching about five or six pills.

"H-he had these in his pillow case."

Leo's eyes widened as he caught sight of the pills, "what...are these usually used for?"

"I use them as a cleaner of sorts...basically they make you throw up! But...I don't know why he would have them. He's been losing weight but surely he hasn't bee taking these-"

"He's starvin himself now?! How much more messed up is he ganna get?!"

Leo whipped around and glared at Raph, "he's not messed up! He just needs our help and we're ganna help him! Besides, we don't even know what he was using these for so don't just assume!"

Raph chuckled darkly, "come on Leo! There's no assuming to it and you know that! He's already drank himself to near death and cut into his wrists, he's...he's...not right anymore! He doesn't even-"

"Of course."

Everyone stopped in there tracks as they all turned to find Mikey glaring straight back at them. "I kept those pills because Master Splinter kept giving that nasty jasmine tea that made me spill my guts about everything and I caught on and decided to do something about it! I'm not starving myself, but apparently I didn't even get a chance to prove that I'm not! You just freakin' assumed! You guys suck just don't even help me!"

Don tried to push Mikey back to laying down as he saw his heart rate rising, "Mikey...just calm down ok? Your going to go into another fit if you-"

"I don't care! Just let me out of this hell hole! I'll get my own place and take care of myself! God forbid I hold you guys up from your missions! By all means just let me go!"

As Don began to struggle with keeping Mikey down LH soon joined in trying to coax the young troubled turtle to cease from getting up but to no avail Mikey fought even more against the restraint.

"Just let me go!"

Don summond Leo who now held a tranq needle over to him. "Sorry Mikey..."

Soon enough Mikey was fast asleep leaving everyone panting from the tension.

"So...guess he wasn't starving himself." Raph mumbled as he ran a shaking hand across his face.

LH took in the sad sight of the trembling mess of turtles and sighed, "go and rest my friends, I will watch over Michelangelos state."

Don sighed as he stood from Mikeys bed, "your sure you don't mind?"

"Of course not Donatello, you each look exhausted and Michelangelo needs each and everyone of you rested, healthy and in good spirits in order to help him through this."

The three elder brother hesitantly left each with different but troubling worries in there minds.

LH sat beside Mikeys bed in a sigh, "my dear friend rest not only your body but your mind as well, we need you to reveal as to why you are on this destructive path. I realize you haven't come clean with many reasons for this, in order to get better and recover from this you must trust us Michelangelo."

Leo's P.O.V.

_Shell, what the heck is going on nowadays. Sensei is more silent then ever, Raph won't stop freaking out, Don is physically and mentally exhausted constantly, LH is still struggling to figure out what all Mikey has been thinking up to lead him to this and Mikey is just...is he even getting better?!_

_We still don't really know why he fell into these habits. I wish we did but each time we ask he just gets even more angry with us. I don't think we can afford to lose anymore trust with him...if he even trusts us anymore. What are we going to do?! We're just running in place._

Leo sighed as he broke from his meditation pose and layed back in his bed with a heavy heart weighing him down. Soon enough the troubled teen was fast asleep letting three days of stress and tension wash off of him for the time being.

Don's P.O.V.

_When did it even lead to this? I can't think, not now I just have to drift right now. I have used up any brain power I have left this week alone._

Within seconds Don had a pair of headphones on and his shell cell blasting whatever song his phone had been playing previously.

**It seems like every day's the same**

**and I'm left to discover on my own**

Don quickly paused the song in confusion, _The shell...this isn't my playlist... course I did let Mikey borrow my phone the other day while he was drawing...might as well listen it might help me understand._

**It seems like everything is gray**

**and there's no color to behold**

Dons eyes widened, _definatly depression I mean duh but from what..._

**They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah**

**Try to stay sober feels like I'm dying here**

_Morbidly relatable...Mikey...where did all this come from? You were just fine a couple months ago...right?_

**And I am aware now of how**

**everything's gonna be fine one day**

**Too late, I'm in hell I am prepared now,**

**seems everyone's gonna be fine**

**One day too late, just as well**

Don cringed at these few verses as his mind took its way to disturbing images of what Mikey thought of just these few lines.

**I feel the dream in me expire**

**and there's no one left to blame it on**

**I hear you label me a liar**

**'cause I can't seem to get this through**

**You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah**

**Why try to stay sober when I'm dying here**

Don quickly paused the song and ripped the headphones out as sobs wracked throughout his shaking lifeless form. He curled up into a ball as he let himself give up on trying to hold it all together.

_I'm alone now...I can cry...I've earned this._

He didn't know how long it had been until the tears finally stopped leaving him a sniffling mess. Finally Donatello fell into a dreamless and troubled sleep.

Raph's P.O.V.

_What the shell is wrong with Mikey?! He needs to get his freakin' act together before I completely go off on him. Huh...if he would just be honest with us for five seconds this would all get alot better very quickly. I just don't understand..._

Raph stared blankly at the ceiling as he let all of his angry thoughts filter through his exhausted brain which quickly and thankfully lead him to his sleep as well.

**Main Story**

With everyone asleep now a quite tension slowly weaved its way throughout the lair, Mikey cracked his eyes open to see LH sleeping soundly in the chair next to him.

Putting a shaky hand to his head Mikey sighed knowing what he had to do now.

_In order to earn freedom I have to play there game for a while. It'll be worth it, I just want to get out of this freakin' lab. I'll just be there little puppet until I have freedom once again then I can finally run and be free._

Mikey looked down at his bandaged wrists in shame as he realized his family now knew all of his secrets, he felt exposed and stupid at this point but he knew he couldn't help this.

_Maybe I should just come clean...it would be nice to just tell them how I feel...but would they even treat me the same? Would they be mad that I did all of this just because of how I feel?! Ethier way...I'm ganna have to make this recovery look as smooth as possible and start acting happy again._

Mikey sighed at that, _So...basically I'll just act like I did before all this bullshit ever started...perfect. But if that's what it will take then that's fine by me. Bring it on._

Surely enough over the course of the next few days with everyone rotating in and out of the lab Mikey never dropped his smile, when they asked whys and hows not once did he speak truth, he only spoke what he knew they wanted to hear.

The more lies that he spoke the more he died inside with each false word. Finally after about a week of the lies Don proclaimed Mikey healthy enough to leave the lab for short periods of time to watch t.v. and eat.

This was plenty of freedom to keep Michelangelo satisfied for now, although he didn't feel any better then he had before any of this. Every so often the tremors in his shaking would get worse making it impossible for him to move, when this did happen he would have to fully shut down and breath through the terrifying time it took to calm down.

With his withdraw symptoms finally improving a bit Mikey still looked down at his still wrapped up wrists and felt empty. He knew that underneath those bandages scars were fading leaving him with emptiness that was driving him to the brink. He knew all it took was one little push in the wrong direction and the whole fake facade he had carefully constructed would surely crumble leading him right back to where he started.

He sighed as he sunk into the couch, he had been watching T.V. with Raph for the past twenty minutes and already he felt restless.

"So Mike."

"Eh?"

"You still really haven't given us an answer on why ya started all this in the first place. We have an idea of what it might be but that really doesn't help."

"Why...does it even matter now Raph? I'm getting better aren't I?"

Mikey backed away as Raph glared at him from where he sat on the other side of the couch. "You may have the others fooled but I can tell your just fakin' Mikey."

Mikey glared right back at this, "why can't you just be happy for me Raph?!"

"Because it's all fake! It's only been three or four days since we found ya freakin' cutting yourself. Don't tell me you just decided to recover now, you might be regaining some freedom but from now on you will ALWAYS have someone watching you."

"Shut the hell up Raph. I'm trying to better myself and you are over here spoutin' BS that you don't even understand. Just get out of my face and let me get better."

"You're not ganna get better Mike! If you don't tell us what's actually going on then you will never solve the actual problem! You're so pathetic! Honestly what's the big secret?!"

"Shut up...shut up! Stop it! Just stop talking!" Mikey clutched his aching head as Raph continued his harsh rant.

"You know what we could have been doing during all of this BS you have been putting us through!? We haven't been on patrol in over a week because of you! And have ya noticed Master Splinter hasn't come out of his room?! Yea he is ill now from the despair of hearing that his own son harmed himself, Don and Leo have been having to look over him as well! Why don't you just come clean with what started all this so we can be done?! Why can't you-"

"SHUT UP! Shut the hell up. You wanna know why I have been this sorry little fuck up for all this time?! I hate myself Raph! Every laugh, every joke, it was always fake don't you get that?! No one ever heard me cry at night, no one ever noticed how exausted I always was or that I never had any other emotion but happiness. All you all ever did was mock me for it and I...I finally had enough! When I saw that guy I saved that night and saw how he felt I just...wanted to try what he was doing! So I...did and it helped! But no! Apparently that's not right ethier! So just-"

"That's it?! Shit Mike, we could have solved this a long time ago why the hell did you think this was such a big secret? I can't believe you do you even realize how much hell you have put us through?! You have made everyone breakdown! You-"

Raph flinched as Mikey let out a scream of pure anguish, he didn't have time to react as Mikey ran straight to his own room and locked the door. Knowing that his brothers would only knock down the door he also moved his bed and dresser in front of it as well. He knew he had no alcohol stashed away but he did remember the secret box he had picked up the night he drank all the left over alcohol that Ryan had left over. "Wait..."

Mikey searched for the boxes he had also picked up that night, as he opened the boxes he gasped. Inside were clean blades of all sorts, some small, some large about twenty or so in total.

_Finally._

Mikey ripped the bandages off as he slid down on a nearby wall into a sitting position, his shaking hand gripped the blade as he brought it down on his wrist.

The more he heard the desperate pleads for him to open the door the more unbearable it all became. Raphaels words rang through his head as he cut more and more until finally it became clear.

"I'm...not going to get better..."

_If I keep wasting there time then no one will ever be happy and that's all I've ever wanted...wait. I can make them happy, I can make them stop worrying and I can finally be relieved of this hell._

Mikey quickly found his heavy duty nunchuck rope he had for when he had to make a new pair, _It's...perfect_.

As he started preparing his plan he heard a crack, then another, then three more. He knew the door was not going to hold up so he quickly hid the boxes and rope deep in his dresser, he used his bed sheets to stop the bleeding and cleaned the wounds he had only recently inflicted on himself then quickly rewrapped all of the cuts. He paniced as the bandages slowly turned red, suddenly the top of his door broke open revealing a pissed off Raph.

He didn't have much time to react as Raph shoved his bed and dresser over then stormed over to him, "get up."

Mikey shook his head and let out a sob, "no. I'm not going back. You can't make me!"

"Oh hell yes I can! Get up! Last chance."

"N-no! I-" Altogether Mikey became unresponsive, Raph quickly became silent as he realized what was taking place and dropped to his knees to help Mikey lay back. "Don!"

Donatello was there in an instant along with Leo as the three of them held Mikey down to the floor, "LH! We need a tranq in here quickly!"

Sure enough in ran Leatherhead with the needed medication in a syringe, he then injected it into Mikeys arm thus ending the flailing turtles panic.

Leo glared at Raph as he explained what all had taken place, "let's just get him to the lab, that's quite enough stress for today."

Don gasped as he saw the blood, "guess he reopened his cuts in all the panic. Time to rewrap these!"

As he unwrapped Mikeys wrists however he saw the new cuts and nearly gagged, Leo and LH gathered around as they noticed Don shaking. Seeing the awful gashes LH quickly pushed Leo and Don over and began to wrap and clean the wounds. "Do not worry my friends, they are not as bad as they look. Where has your other brother gone?"

Leo sighed, "he's probably off brooding somewhere, don't worry about him...is...Mikey okay now?"

Don ran a hand over his face, "he's stable for now, thank shell...man he was doing so well."

"He still is Don, Raph just pushed him past his breaking point. He will be fine let's just let him rest and help him realize Raph was just mad when he wakes up."

Don nodded, "good plan, what's Raphs problem any ways?"

Leo shrugged, "he was apparently past his breaking point to."

As the three settled down and got back to what they were previously doing a new unforseen plan was about to take place, one that would surely test the patience and faith of the family.


	9. The Answer

**This is a short chapter but for good reason, I am updating another chapter very soon after so no worries. I hope you enjoy! Let the feels and angst consume this chapter! **

**Trigger Warning: Please, please, please do _NOT_ read this chapter if you are sensitive to very things such as mentions/actions of self harm, cussing or mentions/actions of suicide.**

The next few days following only held a silent sense of despair and tension as Mikey kept quite and Raph kept to his room. Every so often Leo and Don would alternate in watching over Mikey and watching t.v. with him but LH was the one that keep track of his health and overall process.

Mikey remained silent mostly as he only kept to his journal and drawing pad, it didn't really worry the others as they just assumed he needed an healthy outlet for all the stress that had come up recently. Unfortunately that was not quite the case this time around.

It wasn't until three days after the Raph incident that LH questioned Mikey about the strange behavior.

"Michelangelo I have noticed you keep to yourself with these books, is there a reason?"

"I dunno." Mikey mumbled looking down at his journal and drawing pad, "guess I just need some peace and this is as close as I can get to it."

LH smiled a bit at this, "so you found an alternative of sorts?"

Mikey shrugged, "I guess you could say that, yea."

"That is very good to hear, I suggest you get some sleep though, tomorrow is your check up since your withdraw symptoms seem to be improving slightly."

Mikey pretended to perk up slightly at this, "that's a relief better get some sleep then. Shouldn't you be getting some sleep to though Leatherhead?"

LH nodded and yawned at this, "I will be sleeping in the living room right outside the lab so if there is an emergency you can call my shell cell Don has made for me and I will be right here to help."

Mikey nodded, "thank you LH."

"No problem my friend, please do get some sleep! Goodnight Michelangelo."

Mikey smiled and waved LH off as he disappeared around the corner of the lab, as soon as he was out of sight Mikeys face dropped and he quickly got his books back out. By now he had half of the composition notebook filled with personal explanations and letters all hand written for everyone he had ever known along with pictures dedicated to his brothers and closer friends.

Mikey quickly got Dons old duffel bag out and stuffed the box of blades and his nunchaku rope inside, he set the note book and drawing pad out on the bed along with his shell cell sitting directly on top of them and stood looking over the now neatly folded empty hospital bed.

_It's for them._ Mikey shook his head as tears started to form and roll down his anguish filled face. _It's all for them. _He quietly slipped out of the lab glancing towards the living room to find LH sleeping like a rock.

_Goodbye everyone. I'm sorry and I love you._

Mikey then turned and, never looking back, he ran a good twenty minutes turning left and right every so often until he reached his favorite sewage pipe which just so happened to overlook a massive drop off that had long ago been flooded.

This was where Mikey stopped and sank to his knees in a quiet sob. "I can't say I don't deserve this...I had it coming. They never deserved such a failure like me, when I'm gone Splinter will get better, Leo and Don will get well needed rest, Raph will get peace of mind and LH will finally be able to get on with his own life. This has to be the right answer, I can't get better. I just can't."

As Mikey got out the uncut heavy duty rope that he always had used to repair his nunchaku connectors he tied the knot that would seal his fate. He threw the rope over the nearest pipe going just in front of the drop off and secured it. He let the rope dangle and collapsed before the old duffel bag then pulled out the box of blades he had been craving for.

One by one he cut deeper and deeper until he would simply throw the blade into the drop off, by the last blade his arms and wrists were cut up so bad that at this point he was weak and in critical condition. A small puddle of blood now surrounded him as he stood hesitantly and made his way towards the rope and looked out over the drop and to the water just below._ At least I am in my favorite place hah...I'll have something to look at._

Mikey grabbed the rope and put it over his head where it fell already fairly snug around his neck. then walked up nearby steps that had been built into the wall for sewage workers to get across the drop off long ago. He looked over the water then stepped out.

"Goodbye."

All that was heard after the sob of a farewell was a crack as he fell.

**TBC**


	10. Grieving

**TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of suicide/self harm and cussing.**

* * *

Mikey grabbed the rope and put it over his head where it fell already fairly snug around his neck. then walked up nearby steps that had been built into the wall for sewage workers to get across the drop off long ago. He looked over the water then stepped out.

"Goodbye."

All that was heard after the sob of a farewell was a crack as he fell.

* * *

**Meanwhile ten minutes earlier...**

Raph grumbled as he kicked a garbage can against the dirty street alley wall and submerged into the nearest sewer tunnel. _Why can't I just go on a run without constantly thinking about that little twit...even when he is not around he pisses me off._

He looked around realizing he was at a part of the sewers he was very unfamiliar with, as he was about to retreat back topside to find a better known part of town he heard a sob and stopped short quickly falling into the shadows.

He overheard an all to familiar voice speaking as he ease dropped, " I can't say I don't deserve this...I had it coming. They never deserved such a failure like me, when I'm gone-"

Raph struggled to hear the rest as traffic rushed above him, he neared the closest sewer wall he could get to and scooted towards the source of the sound. All he heard as he got more and more near the next tunnel entrance was little pings of what sounded like rocks hitting water,sadly these 'rocks' turned out to be blades being thrown into the depths below.

Once Raph got to the very corner and was about to look around the corner he noticed the slight pings stopped leaving him in tense silence. As he gathered the guts to jump from around the other side of the sewer wall he gasped as he took in the scene, Mikey had a rope around his neck and one foot off a set of stairs that led to the other side of the massive drop off. The rope connected to pipes just above his head with enough slack to instantly snap his neck if he jumped. As Raph realized the situation he acted on pure instinct.

He drew his sais and with as much concentration ad he could muster he threw them full speed towards the rope as Mikey stepped completely off the concrete staircase. Raph ran closer as soon as he let the sais go. All he heard was a crack as they cut into the rope freeing Mikey only moments before it would have tugged and broke his neck.

He dived into the murky water that the sewage had long ago corrupted and caught Mikey by his bloody and cut up wrist, right after he swam desperately to the ledge and climbed back up with Mikey in tow. Raph collapsed in a heap right beside Mikey as soon as he managed to get the two of them back to where he had started.

Raph quickly snapped out of his exhaustion and quickly turned Mikey onto his shell to see the damage, he put a hand quickly to Mikeys slightly bleeding neck and sighed as he felt a pulse. He tensed as he felt how light and unsteady it was though, "shit!"

He quickly pressed the emergency button alert on his shell cell and continued to try to stabilize Mikey the best he could. The more minutes that had passed the more desperation spilled into Raphs very being as he held the last piece of cloth that wasn't stained with Mikeys blood to his wrists. To the side sat now crimson soaked belts and bandanas. All Raph had left now was the dirty duffel bag that he had thought Don threw out years ago.

He pressed it harshly to Mikeys skin and hoped to God it helped at least stopped the blood a little. He knew it wasn't going to stop though, he was no doctor but Raph knew the cuts were plenty enough deep to cut the veins in Mikeys wrist. Not to mention his neck had major rope burn and was even bleeding a bit making Raph doubt that he had come in time to save him.

"Shit, come on Mikey! Gah...where the shell are the others?! Somebody please HELP ME DAMNIT!"

**Meanwhile**...

Beeep...Beeep...Beeep...Beee- CLICK.

"The shell is going on...distress signal? Raph...grrr...that's just great another brother getting into trouble."

Don quickly dialed Raphs number, "Raph what the sh-"

"Don. Tunnel- in sewer-blood every where- HURRY."

"Wait Raph you're breaking up I can't understand what you're saying! Raph! Raph? Damnit!"

Quickly rushing to Leo's bedroom Don barged into the cold room to find himself face with his leader. "Raphs in trouble."

Leo nodded and the two rushed to find LH at the entrance of the lab, "my friends it seems Raph is in trouble shall I come too?"

Leo shook his head, "it's fine you just watch over Mikey and we will keep you updated on Raph we can't leave Mikey here alone."

LH nodded and with that Don and Leo took off, not too long after they started off towards where Don was tracking Raphs phone to LH stopped them with a yell. "My friends!"

The two stopped dead in thier tracks, "what is it LH? Is Mikey alright?"

"That's the problem Donatello...he was not in the lab I'm afraid he is planning to do something terrible I brought your first aid kit just in case."

Leo and Don blanked for a moment at this, "Shell lets find Raph!"

Soon enough the three rushed into the massive tunnel way only to spot a panting Raph holding a dirty duffel right on Mikeys arms and wrists best he could.

Leo pulled a hyperventilating Raphael away from the limp and disturbingly pale body of Michelangelo and held him steady as he sat him up against the nearest wall. "Raph! Dear God...what happened?!"

Upon only getting gasps in reply Leo swallowed his own fear and spoke as calmly as possible, "Raphael. Calm down Mikey is going to be just fine, LH and Don are taking care of him now. I need you to tell me what happened so we can help him...please Raph."

After a few minutes Raph finally calmed enough to form a sentence and sighed, "Leo, I was right there when he was about to jump off that fucking ledge! He h-had a rope around him and he was- but I threw my sais and somehow they cut the rope and-and the rope didn't tug! He's still alive! He's still breathin but I know he's gatta be dead now...he's...he's been bleeding too much and I-I couldn't stop it! Icouldn'tstopit...Ijustcouldn't."

Leo slapped Raph lightly as his eyes fluttered shut leaving Leo with a pit in his stomach. "Don- is he...is he alright?"

When Leo only got a sob in return the amount of dread he felt only doubled.

"My friend, Michelangelo has managed to do some damage to his throat but only enough to make his breathing uncomfortable- not completely cut it off. The main objective now is to stop the bleeding."

Leo's eyes widened at that, "What do you mean? Did he cut up his throat that bad?" As Leo neared the limp form of Mikey he soon understood why there was so much blood, the jagged deep cuts mocked the material being layed on them as they quickly bleed through the massive amounts of gauze LH was wrapping around them.

"Shell...you two get him to the lab and I will get Raph there soon then report to Master Splinter about...all that has happened."

Not soon after Leo said this were the actions completed leaving him scratching his neck nervously in front of his father's dojo. "Master Splinter. May I come in?"

Upon not hearing a welcome Leo hesitantly entered hoping he would not get scolded for such a rude gesture, as he entered he saw his master laying lifelessly on his bed. "Master Splinter? Master are you-" Leo paled three times more when he did not see the rise and fall of his father's chest. "Master Splinter?! Father! DON!"

Don appeared seemingly out if nowhere as he checked Master Splinters pulse and started performing chest compressions but to no avail it was too late. Leo held Don close as he sobbed into his shoulder, "he had a heart attack Leo...it was only a matter of time! He was in too weak of a condition. H-he didn't have a chance even if we caught it on time."

Leo let a sob wrack his body as he let the weight of all the dreads of reality fall right onto his shoulders. He found himself being hugged by another pair of arms as Don was now holding him and letting him cry. "L-Leo we gatta tell LH and Raph, he just now woke up from his fainting episode an-"

"What da hell is goin' on?! Why is Master Splinter covered up like that?"

Don and Leo slowly rose in front of their fathers body and collected Raph in a hug as Don sobbed out an explantion.

"You gatta be kiddin' me! W-we ...I just saved Mikey from dying and now...our own father is d-dead?! This can't be real! Fuck. This isn't real...this isn't-"

"What are we going to tell Mikey?"

This question alone made the three of them sob even more, "we can't do this without father, he was just about to talk with Mikey and he was the only one that could really comfort him."

"Psh what are ya talkin about Don, he was the only one that could really comfort any of us! And now he's...he's gone."

The three let themselves fall into another sobbing fit as LH entered the room and quickly assessed the situation. He wrapped his arms around the three turtles and brought them in close then guided them out of the room and to the entrance of the lab. "My friends...I am deeply sorry about your loss and can't imagine what you are going through I think you need to get away from this lair for a while. Is there anywhere far off you can go?"

Don shook his head, "April and Casey are off on some excursion with their new business and they are staying in the farm house we usually go to."

Leatherhead nodded, "I have a place of which I used to forage and hide out at before I came to New York it is quite a drive but it is out in the country side in Vermont and I believe it would be an ideal place to grieve properly and would give you each an opportunity to heal together."

The three turtles looked at each other and nodded slowly in agreement to the offer. "Thank you Leatherhead, we really appreciate this."

"Of course, I will help in whatever way I possibly can to help things get back to at least stable condition. Especially for Michelangelo." As this was said the four looked over uneasily at the sleeping Mikey that was currently hooked to a still unsteady heart monitor.

"We do need to wait a couple hours for Mikey to return to stable condition in order to insure a safe car drive there. As for the proper burial I do have a secluded area that I think would fit your Master Splinters style."

Leo rubbed at his face and tried to smile, "thank you so much LH...thank you. We can not thank you enough."

"Anytime. I will try to help as much as I possibly can. As for Michelangelo...He should be waking very soon if you would like to stay here and deliver the news-that is if you choose now to do so. I understand your reasoning if you choose not to for now, I will return I must go retrieve a few medical things from my lab."

Don sighed as soon as LH exited, "shell...what now?" His eyes watered even more with each word spoken.

Leo sat beside Mikey and looked at the massive amounts of gauze that had to be used to stem all the blood.

Don caught Leo looking at the wounds on Mikey and decided to try and explain even in his shaky state, "he somehow didn't cut into his main veins but did manage to do excessive amounts of damage to the point where he bleed just as much. If Raph hadn't had caught him when he did...he surely would not be here."

Leo invited Don into a hug as he fell into another sob, this left Raph on the other side of the bed where he slowly traced the gauze over Mikeys severed wrist and neck. His eyes were glazed over now as he choked on another sob.

"I barely got there on time...he could have died. If I had gotten there sooner I could have saved him from doing any of it...if I had stayed here I could have woke someone up...went after him and someone could have watched over Splinta' but...that was my fault too."

Leo and Don both shook their heads as Raph covered his face with shaking hands. "Don't you dare blame yourself for all this Raph. This was not your fault at all, you saved him! At least give yourself that credit!"

"My friends..."

The three jumped as LH entered the conversation, "Michelangelo appears to have stabilized if you would like to pack and leave now."

The three nodded and quickly left to go get their things , as they walked to their rooms Don realized that LH hadn't gone to his lab. He peered into the dojo to find Splinter gone, LH had already loaded the van carefully and all they had to do was pack a few things.

_What would we have done without Leatherhead?_ Don thought as he remembered the lab only to find Mikey and all of the medical equipment already gone.

"Don! You ready?"

Don nodded and followed Raph as he lead him out to the van where LH was sitting in the driver's seat and Leo was in the passengers leaving Raph and Don to sit in the back with a still sleeping Mikey and an ominous body bag cleverly hidden as well as possible.

The small beeps pierced into the skulls of the tense passengers as the van rolled on towards their destination. Three hours onto the ride LH checked and saw Don, Raph and Leo still wide awake.

"My friends I also packed these so that each of us could read them in our own time. Perhaps it will explain Michelangelos actions."

Each turtle hesitantly took their own letters and found that there was a blank folded sheet of drawing paper taped to each. Soon the van grew more quiet as each anxiously read their own letter in hungry hopes that Mikey admitted and explained everything needed to understand his state even just a little better.

It wasn't long after that LH found himself cringing at the sobs coming from each turtle as they read the heart breaking letters.


	11. Explanations

**Wow! This is super late...I'm getting worse with updating, my apologies. I do hope you enjoy this chapter though! **

Leo held back a gasp as he was handed a buldge of papers tucked in a blue envelope with his name on it. A total of four pages filled with how Mikey was sorry that he held the team back and how once he was gone everything would ok once more.

Leo cringed at one part that read, _Leo, I left all my razors in this envelope because I have been wanting to quit for a long time but I never had the heart to give them all up or to really reach out so I guess if I didn't kill myself then...at least you have them so I won't start again. I know there's not a lot but...I'm sure you realized I already got rid of the others when you found me. I'm really sorry for all of this and what has happened, guess your wondering why I did this. I kinda put little chunks of the 'why' answers in Don, Raph and Master Splinters letters._

Leo stiffened at that, it only reminded him of the cruel reality of there fathers demise, he held back a sob as he read on.

_I figured you all would read each others letters and try to piece all of this together. It's weird...I kinda hope I didn't do this right...so I can wake up and maybe you guys will understand. But I'm afraid my plan is full proof...I really don't want to die Leo, I want to live! It's just not possible at this point and frankly I'm tired of being a burden. So I guess there is one reason right there, I'm just a burden on every single person in this family, I can't name three times I've really saved the day. Therefore I deserve this, especially if it ensures everyone else's safety._

Leo read on as Mikeys letter went more and more in depth with how he wasn't good enough and never would have been. That and the topic of Mikey really not wanting to die but needing to was the main point of the first three page's of the buldge of papers.

As for the last page, that was the page chocked full of everything Mikey loved about Leo and everything he always wished he could be, his hopes, dreams and soul were all found on the last page of the tear stained package of papers.

As Leo read more and more of his letter Don decided, after he checked Mikeys vitals, that he would do the same. He tore at the pastel purple envelope pulling out the folded papers and poured all of his attention into each and every word on the sheets. However, there was one main point of the letter that Don found himself going back and reading over and over.

_Well Donnie, I'm sure by now you have already figured out how all this worked out and how all these letters explain my state, I mean how could I expect less from a genius like you! You're the smartest guy I know, maybe that's another reason I left, I watched you and Leo and Raph all grow up and start making your own decisions and saw how you all got stronger but then realized I was stuck._

_ I got stuck being this little kid that the whole team had to babysit and wait on. I only wish I could have been as smart as you, as strong as Raph or as focused as Leo. I was always just mess everything up Mikey, that was all I ever had the potential to be. I put my journal in your envelope because well...I'm hoping that if even the slightest chance I made it then maybe you and L.H. could read over it and help get me back on track._

Don was shocked to find that Mikey really wanted the help, so much so he was entrusting him with his journal that most likely had every gut wrenching moment of the process that Mikey never spoke of. He decided to leave the journal reading until later when both he and L.H. could read it in peace.

Don stared at the pages for a long time, had he not heard the faint sound of pages ripping in the background he would have stared at the letter longer.

He snapped his head over towards Raph as he heard a thud, then another, then three more. He then found himself along with Leo holding Raph back to the vans wall as he tried to rip his envelope to shreads.

"R-Raph! Calm down!" Don snatched the half ripped envelope out of Raphs hand and threw it towards the front of the van.

"Its my letter assholes! I can do what I want with it! I don't want any damn explanations of why he did this! I don't- I don't...care...anymore..."

Raph crumbled to his knees and punched the van floor, Mikeys unmoving body just inches away.

Leo and Don quietly sat beside Raph and within only a few seconds found themselves in a group hug, each of them trying to stay strong and each of them failing to do so.

"Why the hell is this happening?" Raph said gritting his teeth as angry tears rolled down his face.

Don sighed, "I don't know Raph but...ripping that letter isn't going to solve anything for sure. You have to read it for yourself, he explained more things then you know. Please, in order to help Mikey the best we can we each have to read these letters so we can piece this puzzle and offer him the help he rightly deserves."

Leo put a comforting hand on Raphs shoulder and added to the plead, "I promise you won't be disappointed by what you read...he explains a lot more then what you would think."

Raph sighed and retrieved the half torn envelope then proceeded to read it, _Dear Raph, I'm sure you're really mad right now, I can't blame you at all. I will never be able to repay you for everything you have done for me. For how you stuck by me on all those late nights, how when I was drunk I would be super rude yet you would always be there the next time, for how much faith and time you had devoted into me in hopes that I would get out of this phase somehow. Maybe this is my way of saying sorry in a sense...I just want you to not have to do any of that ever again. _

_I put you and everyone else through so much pain and anger, I made sensei sick with worry, I made Don cry, I made you punch walls and hurt yourself, I made Leo stress out beyond his normal fearless leader stress, and I made L.H. quit his valuable time that he could have spent studying or experimenting just so he could come help with my pathetic self. I hope this is a big enough apology, I ran out of valuable things to give to you but I'm sure you will be happy to know what I did give to Leo and Don I hope those things help to restore a little faith. If I did survive then just know I want to talk to you first, you were the one that was really there to try to help me through all of this..._

Raph read the next two pages filled with apologies, gratitude and dreams for the family then carefully folded the letter. He covered his face with both hands and rubbed at his eyes, "you were right Leo, didn't expect all that from someone like Mikey. He said you guys got things that would help 'restore faith' any idea what he means by that?"

Leo and Don both nodded and held up the sacrifices Mikey made. Raph took in the sight of the familiar book Mikey had always carried with him and Leo's handful of razors.

Don tried to explain, "this is his journal and the blades he wanted to give up all this time. Me and L.H. are going to scan and analyze his journal to see where everything went downhill. I feel if we find key points in the time this has been happening then we can surely fix something."

Leo froze as he saw a remaining envelope, it was yellow and labeled 'Father'. "Should we...read his letter?"

Don sighed, "we have to, it seems a little disrespectful but if each letter is going to help us to help Mikey then we have no choice."

Without any further conversation Raph opened the envelope only to find a mysteriously smaller letter that was only two pages. "Jeez...we all got like four or five pages! Why the shell did Mikey not write alot to his own father?!"

Leo took the letter slowly, "maybe we will find out." With that he read the letter aloud, "Dear Father,

There are not enough words to explain my sorrow to you in this time. Thank you so much for understanding all of this and letting me finally just let go. I knew you out of everyone else would let me do this, you knew deep down I was going to do this without permission anyways so thank you for at least supporting my wishes. It takes alot to even agree to let anyone do this, I can only imagine what was running through your mind when you said I could commit this crime. Although I'm not quite sure why or how you came to this conclusion I am internally grateful to you."

Leo stopped unable to fully grasp what he just read, he was speechless.

Raph however was full and ready to speak, "what in the hell?! Splinta' gave him permission?! What the rest of it say Leo?!"

Leo speed read through the rest of the letter and threw it down once he got to the end, "it does not explain any further! He just thanks him more throughout the letter and just tells everything he basically told us! This doesn't make sense...we're missing some kind of connection here- right Donnie? Uh...Donnie?"

Raph and Leo both looked up to find Donnie searching Master Splinters robe only to find a single folded paper in his pocket.

"Thank shell, I think this is an explanation, it's to Mikey but we have every right to know."

This time each turtle read the letter silently, afraid they would overlook any and all detail.

'_Dearest Michelangelo,_

_I am sure you have come to realize that I was never going to let you do that horrible act to yourself and get away with it. I was prepared to make a sacrifice so that you could learn this well needed lesson. I was fully aware of what you were going to do my son, and please do not feel responsible for what has happened for it was my decision. I felt this was the only act to keep you safe and so I gladly fell through with it._

_I am sorry I haven't come to see you as much to talk as I have been trying to meditate and connect with your distant soul as much as possible so I could tell when your life energy was growing weak. As I write I sense this so I'm afraid this letter will be painfully short, I must focus all my life energy into you at the perfect time so that you may survive whatever you decide to do. I am doing this purely because I love you, I would do this for any of your brothers as well. You all are my life, joy and pride. Without one of you this clan is not complete. That, my son, is why you cannot leave this life behind. You are part of a team now and you must realize your worth. You will find that when you do get the energy to wake up once more that you will find that everyone loves and cares for you more then you have ever imagined._

_I wish you the best of luck on the rest of this tough spiritual journey and promise that although I want be there physically I will always be there to guide you in spirit. Your brothers and friends are going to help you through this my son, the biggest favor or act of apology you could ever give to then is cooperation. You have the strength to get through this, and for times you think you don't we shall all be there to ensure that you think this once more. We all fall my son, it is a part of life, and you will overcome this fall I am sure of it. There was never a day that went by that my pride for you ever faltered. I love you my son._

Each brother with wide eyes fell back against the wall of the van and tried to comprehend everything they just read. Much to Leatherheads relief he soon heard light snores,_ 'my friends, you are in so much turmoil right now, I am determined to help each of you.'_

L.H. quickly formed plan after plan in his head, using his basic knowledge of psychology and all of the therapeutic remedies to treat such situations as this to conjure up a simple few things he planned to put into motion in the next few months they would be away.

Once the crew finally arrived at the Vermont country side L.H. had promised. With it came an old abandoned two story farm house, the cracked and faded blue paint was the only thing going for the poor broken down place. Once inside the four of them set Mikey on the surprisingly preserved old couch. As for Master Splinter they kept him inside a small building beside the house inside a large case they found there.

For the span of the next two days each brother, except for Mikey, spent their time making a suitable coffin out of any supplies they could get their hands on.

L.H. grew concerned about Mikeys waking, "my friends...I hate to bring this up but I'm afraid that Michelangelo will not be able to attend your father's burial. We really can not hold this off any longer."

Each brother cringed at the idea but knew it was for the best, holding such things off were disrespectful even if it would help with Mikey accepting the closure of the news that they would have to give.

Leo finally spoke in a gruff and regret filled voice, "let's do it today then...it's the third day being here and we have to respect Master Splinter in his death. So...let's go...please."

Everyone seemed to agree to this as they proceeded to help carry the wooden handmade coffin to a nearby grassy hill right behind the farmhouse. After getting the proper burial ground dug up each turtle paid their respects and, with grief stricken hearts, lowered the now closed coffin into the ground then quietly poured in the dirt. Each then noticed there was no gravestone.

"Don't worry about the grave, I decided that I'm going to let Mikey help me make it. He is an artist so I was thinking he could make it look very nice in honor of father."

Leo smiled a bit at that, "that's a really good idea Donnie."

"That's great an all but...when the shell is he ganna even wake up?" Raph huffed.

L.H. cleared his throat, "the estimated time for Michaelangelos time of awakening is very soon. Any day now in fact! We must be patient- and prepared. Which reminds me, I do have some ideas for how we can help Michelangelo achieve happiness and peace in his mind and being."

"Anything at all that you think will help we are completely on board with L.H." Leo said confidently.

"Very well, once we get back to the farmhouse we will

discuss these hopefully effective methods further."

Surely enough twenty minutes later Don, Leatherhead, Leo and Raph were all seated at the old cedar wood table in the kitchen.

"I think the best methods of choice are for each of us to individually set specific goals to work with Michelangelo. So then we can set an hour to two hour interval time between each private time then at the end of the day or every two days we can have a group session to discuss Michelangelos process." Leatherhead then passed out color coded schedules to each turtle, where Leo and Don were very pleased and relieved that L.H. had a plan Raph was very freaked out. "Don't cha think this is a little much?"

L.H. smiled in understanding at this, "that is why if you look on the schedule I have you on there twice a day. You will be in charge of most of Michelangelos free time. You will meet with him in the morning then be with him in his free time in the afternoon."

Raph chuckled at that, "works for me."

"I would also like each of you to focus on what he said to you in his letters, address the reasons he wanted to leave and be sure to support him through this time. Don't just be black and white with your questions, be creative with how you ask and create little activities where he can express himself in healthy ways. I will teach him healthy coping devices and go in depth with why he did what he did and what will happen next. If I see that he can not handle these sessions without extra help then I have these I can easily replicate."

Leatherhead threw a neatly packaged set of little green pills on the table.

Don examined them, "antidepressants?"

L.H. nodded.

"I can easily copy what is used in these and quite possibly not only replicate them but improve the likely hood of them working."

Raph scoffed, "he won't be needing those, we can help him just fine."

L.H. scooped up the pills, "of course. So, now that we have a plan do you think it will be good enough for Michelangelo to get something out of it?"

Each brother nodded, Don sighed with relief.

"For once I feel confident in helping Mikey."

L.H. suddenly looked uncomfortable, "while that is relief, I would not get in such high hopes as to believe that Michelangelo will show signs of improvement any time soon. This will be a long drawn out process regardless of how well we think he will take it. Be ready for the unexpected, and never stop watching him once he awakens. We can not afford another episode to set him back even more then he already is."

Each brother nodded, anxiety and excitement rose in their features as the scenarios of what would soon happen played in their minds.


	12. Trials

Wow...this is really late, I'm really sorry I've been going through my own trials as well, hope you enjoy none the less.

* * *

Tap. Tap. Tap. Catch.

Raphael sighed as he threw a stress ball at the nearest wall to him, he looked over at the sleeping figure of Mikey for what felt like the millionth time then continued his routine.

Tap. Tap. Tap-

"R-raph?"

"Mikey! Hey buddy, damn you scared the shell outta me- outta all of us! How ya feel?"

Mikey coughed, "like I got pile drived by fifteen trucks."

Raph chuckled, "couldn't expect any less."

Mikey lowered his head then proceeded to bring his legs up to him, he wrapped his arms around them and began to shake.

Raph paniced a bit not really knowing what was happening. "Mikey...buddy.." His eyes teared up instantly as he heard a sob. He couldn't hold himself back any longer, in less then a second he had his arms around Mikey in a strong embrace. "Its ganna be ok Mike. I promise."

Mikey sobbed louder at this, "Raphael...listen to me, I can't control myself, even now I'm thinking of any way I can...I can..." Mikey broke down at that, the sobs started forming into more and more of a wheeze of rushed and paniced air.

Soon Raph knew that this was now out of his hands and quickly called the others in, Don came running in instantly knowing what to do as if on cue.

Soon enough Mikey was back to only sobbing, Don continued to rub small circles on Mikeys shell, "Mikey, we are going to help you, and we think no less of you."

Mikey nodded looking scared as ever, he then looked mortified, "what about father? He's ganna hate me."

The three brothers froze in their spots at a complete loss for words. "Mikey, father is...no longer here."

Mikey sighed and brought a hand to his face, "he just up and left?! He's that upset?"

L.H. cringed, he could have sworn he heard the three eldest brothers hearts break, "my friend, I believe you should read this, it will explain everything you need to know."

As Mikey squinted his eyes and read the crumpled sheet of paper his breathing became more and more labored, his hands balled into fists crippling the letter all together. "No...no! This can't be real...this can't be real!" Mikey then threw the paper and started bringing his fists down on his thighs in blinding rage and fury, "I killed father! My own father and I have killed him damnit!"

Each brother wrapped Mikey in a hug, holding his arms down as they did so, Leo spoke unable to sound as confident as he would have liked.

"Mikey, father loves us all and would do anything for us. He will always be with us and we can meditate and meet with him as well. None of us blame you for this, it was his decision, not yours."

Mikey sobbed even more, "I am so sorry...I'm sorry guys..."

L.H.s heart broke at the scene of all four brothers crying but he knew this was one of the most important steps of the process. He would not dare intervene for questions now.

The next two days L.H. did not commence his needed plans in hopes that all the brothers would have plenty of time to cope together. It wasn't until the third days incident did he commence these said plans.

"Mikey! What in the hell do you think you are doing!?" Raph shouted as he grabbed the knife from Mikeys hand.

"I...I dunno...I panicked."

"With...what?"

"My thoughts, they become too much, this is the only way to calm them down."

Raph sighed and brought Mikey in for a hug, "what if I told you there was another way?"

Mikey looked up at Raph confused, "like?"

"Have ya ever heard of an anti depressant?"

Mikey tilted his head a bit, "a little...why?"

"L.H. has created some just for you, he thinks it can calm these thoughts down so you can focus on recovering."

Mikeys eyes teared up at that, "seriously?!"

Raph nodded, "let's go talk to him now, I think it's high time we started helping you now."

Mikey smiled at that, "you guys are the best, ya know that?"

Raph shook his head, "wouldn't compliment us yet, we haven't done anything."

Raph let out a surprised yell as he felt Mikey tug against him,"Mike?"

Mikey stood there as Raph stared at him confused, "you all have helped me, you know that right? I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you-"

"Yes but that was the easy part Mike, if we're really ganna achieve something we gatta help you get rid of these awful thoughts all together."

"I see..."

Raph nodded and continued to drag the wondering Mikey right along again, "hey L.H...he's ready."

L.H. looked up from the old kitchen table and gestured to the seat in front of him, "Raphael if you wouldn't mind, could you gather your brothers and go gather food from the local grocery?"

Raph seemed a little surprised at that but he recovered with a simple nod and turn.

Mikey cautiously took a seat across from L.H. instantly fiddiling with hands and looking straight down in shame .

"Michelangelo, I need you to be completely honest with me when I ask you these questions, your brothers will never know what you are about to tell me, only the goals you will be setting for yourself. Ok?"

Mikey nodded.

"Are you sure you are ready to pursue getting help?"

Mikey nodded once more.

"Alright, first question, have you had anymore thoughts of wanting to harm or kill yourself?"

"Yes."

A quick scribble of a pen and L.H. was on to the next question.

"With these thoughts do you want to do what you attempted before?"

"Yes. Except this time, I don't want to survive."

Another scribble, "why has this thought changed?"

"Like it or not no one can change my mind about Master Splinter, it just makes my need to die even stronger."

L.H. nodded as he wrote this down, "would you be open to taking anti depressants?"

"I don't deserve them."

"Michelangelo, I would like to offer a quote if you would allow."

Mikey looked up at that, "ok."

"You don't die for the people you love, you live for them."

Mikeys eyes widened at that, his jumbled thoughts ran a million miles a minute, "I will...try them. Can't promise they will work on me though, I'm...crazy L.H."

L.H. smiled and shook his head, "you just need a little guidance my friend, please go rest, you are still recovering Michelangelo and tomorrow will be your first day of therapy.

Sure enough bright and early the next day Mikey woke to find no sharp objects, no medications, and no weapons around the house what so ever.

His first talk was with L.H. it consisted of what all was going to happen in the next few weeks, the strict scheduling paper was handed to Mikey then he was sent on to Don.

Once Mikey was seated with Donnie he was immediately given a paper with a line in the middle of it, on side was listed wants and the other needs.

"Don...I'm not a little turtle tot anymore..."

Don handed Mikey a list of about twenty words, "the results may surprise you. Just be honest with yourself Mikey. I'm going to be making breakfast while you complete this then we can eat and I'll send you to Leo. Sound good?"

Mikey sighed, "I'll play along."

Don smiled, "thank you."

About twenty minutes later Mikey handed Donnie the paper with surprising results as to what he put.

"What?" Mikey said biting into his eggs as Don looked at the paper and scrunched his nose.

"This isn't surprising to you?"

Mikey tilted his head, "what do you mean?"

"For needs you have food, water, me, Raph, Leo, L.H., Casey, April, your weapons, alcohol, and blades...and pizza which wasn't even on the list! But that's not the point, why did you put alcohol and blades on the needs side of your list?"

Mikey shrugged, "they keep me from killing myself."

Don hummed and wrote this down in a little purple notebook, "thank you for your honesty Mikey. If you don't mind to go outside Leo is waiting for you in the barn."

Upon entering the barn Mikeys eyes widened at what he saw, it was the biggest mirror he had ever seen in his life. "What the shell is this and how did you get it?"

Leo laughed, we found abandoned dance studio supplies back in the shed and I stumbled across this. Now, catch.

Mikey quickly caught the sharpie marker thrown at him, "um..."

"I want you to write anything and everything you think about yourself that you don't like."

Without another word Mikey sat in front of the massive mirror and began to write and doodle every little negative thing his mind had to offer, unaware of Leo who was writing every little thing he wrote down into his notebook.

An hour later the whole mirror was covered with words like; useless, stupid, ugly, depressed, desperate, suicidal, broken, sad, idiot, alcoholic, lost and so much more. The sketches included any and every way Mikey could kill himself. It was hard to see everything that was truly going on in the younger brothers mind for Leo but he was confident he could help.

Mikey wiped a few stray tears that had formed as he was pouring his heart out onto the mirror.

"Now this." Leo handed Mikey several large rocks and made him step back a safe distance, "break this habit of thinking Mikey, break those thoughts and what you think about yourself. All those things you wrote are not who you really are, so break them."

Mikey didn't need to be told twice as he threw the first rock, the satisfying sound of broken glass filled the air as he threw the next stone. He loved watching all the negativity just break into a million little pieces.

By the time he was finished he was panting but he unbelievably felt a little better. Leo handed him a bottle of water kindly and laughed as he gulped it down. "Lets get you to Raph."

"No need! Already here, jeez Leo clean up this mess bro!"

Mikey laughed and waved at Leo as he and Raph walked out of the barn. "So what valuable life lesson at you going to teach me Raph?"

Raph chuckled, "they knew better then to give me that kind of job, I'm pretty much your babysitter while they discuss crap. But I think you won't mind that when I show ya what I found."

Mikey gasped as he looked out across the large pond just beyond the hill they had been walking up, "holy crap!"

"That's not all ethier, look at this little beauty I found behind the house."

Mikey laughed as he caught sight of the large yet old beat up fishing boat and oars. "No way dude! Can we fix it up?"

Raph chuckled, "as a matter of fact I was planning on it." He pointed to the supplies beside it which consisted of several bright paints, paint brushes and spray of some sort. Mikey picked up the spray and started laughing, "I remember this commercial, the dude sprayed this stuff on anything and it would seal it right up."

Raph heaved the boat up and leaned it against the steep hill so that the bottem was facing up, since it was only aluminium it did in fact have some cracks in it but otherwise it was in surprisingly good shape. It was wide and could easily fit all four brothers in the thing.

"Yea! Hope it wasn't a phoney product cuz that's all they had. We'll patch it up today and start painting tomorrow, the store didn't have a lot of paints so I just got red and orange since its our own boat!"

Mikey smiled as he and Raph sprayed over the small cracks of the boat, finally they were able to test it in the water- after about four tests they finally floated to the middle of the pond and back.

"This place is so cool! It feels-"

"Relaxing?"

Mikey smiled a true small smile. "Exactly"

As Mikey and Raph walked back up the hill and into the calm household dinner was already on the table with L.H. Donnie and Leo all waiting patiently by it.

The next few hours were spent laughing, singing and a lot of eating, Mikey didn't eat near as much as the brothers knew he could but they were just happy to see the youngest eat something.

Finally came the group session, L.H. started it, "Michelangelo how was your day?"

Mikey shrugged, "it was actually pretty nice, I had fun!"

"Good! And why was it fun?"

"Well I got to figure some priority stuff out with Donnie, got to break some glass with Leo, and got to fix up a boat with Raph!"

Mikey beamed as he spoke leaving the others speechless with joy, L.H. smiled but already sensed something off. He didn't dare call it out now but he knew this was way too soon to be getting such positive feedback.

He snapped his notebook closed and looked at the other three, "any additional feedback?" The others shook their heads and soon everyone was off to bed. The four brothers slept in the same room, mostly for Mikey but some for themselves as well. This didn't stop Mikey though, he had managed to use every stealth tactic imaginable to escape from the old farm house and into the barn where he found the smallest left over glass shard on the barn floor.

As Mikey slid the glass over his wrist a huge scaled hand quickly swiped the glass away from Mikey hand.

Mikey looked up to the disappointed gaze of Leatherhead. "Michelangelo, come with me."

Mikey got up slowly then proceeded to follow L.H. in the kitchen where he sat in the kitchen chair closest to L.H. who was going through a first aid kit.

"You realize I must inform your brothers."

Mikey nodded ashamed as L.H. cleaned the single deep cut then wrapped it. "I...I just couldn't help it..."

L.H. hugged Mikey, "I understand what you are going through Michelangelo, you must trust us though, do not just go through the motions in your therapy sessions try to learn something about yourself from them. Would you like a journal?"

Mikey nodded, "guess I should keep up with what I learn. Can I have my old journal?"

L.H. shook his head, "how about we start with a new one? A brand new book for a brand new beginning, is that ok?"

Mikey nodded, "that sounds...refreshing."

As Mikey trudged up the stairs L.H. quietly woke each one up and meet with them in his own room, he informed Mikey to sit on the bed where they could see him from the other room. He sighed as opened the lime green notebook L.H. have to him and began to write.

Day 1 of Recovery:

Well journal I have managed to mess my very first day up, it started off good, me and Don discussed wants and needs, me and Leo broke some bad thoughts- literally, and me and Raph fixed up a boat. We even had a nice family dinner!

But...I have managed to still self harm the very first day, I also had my first dose of anti depressant tonight, it's making me a little drowsy so I think for now I will sleep. Wish me luck tomorrow. -Mikey.


	13. One Step Back, One Step Forward

**This is ridiculous I know, alot has been going on...alot of inspiration for a brand new story really. Sorry this is late, sorry this is short but I promise I am already working on the next chapter. However, if anyone has any ideas for this story I would love to hear other perspectives.**

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Having heard what Mikey had done the night previous all three eldest brothers confidence was significantly lowered.

Raph took the news worse out of all the brothers, "I can't believe after such a good day he would do that! It's not fair! Why would he do that, aren't these meds supposed to be clearing his head?!"

L.H. held back a sigh as he looked at the hot headed turtle with apologetic eyes, "yes my friend but you must understand that Michelangelo is still recovering, it's only been a few days since he woke up and the antidepressants will take a few weeks to take full effect. You must be aware that this process will take time if you wish to get Michelangelo back to good health."

"Egh, you're right. So now what?"

Don checked the clock, "well considering its already seven in the morning I suggest we make our daily plans."

Raph smirked, "me and Mike are painting a boat today." And with that Raph went to the other room to sleep a little, Leo sighed, "at least he has a plan, I believe me and Mikey will make origami today, it's my fault he cut himself, I started with a violent recreation."

Don shook his head, "that was his choice Leo, it's fine, that sounds like a good plan though! Calming. I think I will let him help make a meal for him and Raph to eat on the boat."

L.H. nodded in approval of these plans, "Very nice, today I believe I will start trying to make my questions more personal today so do not fret if Michelangelo seems out of sorts, these questions may have a negative effect but need to be asked."

The two remaining turtles nodded, "holy shit!"

The three looks up in horror as they heard Raph yell, immediately they were in the other room. "Raph wha- what the hell...Mikey!"

Don and L.H. quickly rushed around the youngest to evaluate what had happened, "it appears he has reopened the cut and has made it even worse then the original wound...but with what?"

Raph growled as he held a piece of broken hard plastic up, the sharp point of it already covered in blood. Leo took the small piece of plastic in his hand, "h-how? Why?"

"Its apart of the damn blinds, he broke a piece off."

Each of them looked over at the curtained window to see broken blinds scattered on the ground. "How in the hell did we not hear this?!" Raph all but yelled.

Mikey woke a bit at this, his whole arm now covered in blood from the uncomforting gash on his wrist. "S-sorry guys, I did it again..."

With a swift second L.H. bundled Mikey up in his arms and quickly rushed to his own room laying Mikey on an old medical table, Mikey was pale and cold his breath came out in laboured pants. All three brothers were found rushing around in desperate attempts to follow L.H.s commands for needed medical supplies.

Soon enough Leo came with a pail of water, Don with a medical kit and Raph with tons of his very own gauze. "Is he ganna be alright!? He's struggling to breath!" Hearing Raphs voice on the brink of hysteria Leo carefully guided the angry teared Raphael out to the living room. He tried to calm both Raph and himself as he heard a paniced conversation between L.H. and Donatello.

In less then an hour all was calm once more leaving the three eldest and L.H. all surrounding Mikey as he woke lazily. "Did I... oh."

Raph frowned, "Yea your still alive, sorry bout cha luck there Mike- what the shell were you thinkin'?!"

Mikey trembled as he spoke in a low voice, "You don't get it. You didn't kill father! Try having that on your conscious! I have to join him!"

Leo growled angrily."And waste an act of pity on you?! Mikey think about it damnit! Get a hold of yourself! He did that so you wouldn't die, don't take that act in vain!"

Mikey looked down, "your right" he mumbled.

L.H. seeing arising tension soon enough spoke up, "I think it's time we all get the day started." With that each brother hesitantly left leaving Mikey and L.H. alone. "Michelangelo, you must be honest no matter how harsh the reality of the answer may be. Understood?"

Mikey nodded curious about just what questions he would be asked. "Was this recent act today an attempted suicide?"

Mikey nodded honestly.

"Lets start from the beginning then, how did all this self harm and alcoholism start?"

Mikey shifted uncomfortably, "I guess from the night I saved that kid."

L.H. scribbled the new info down as he gestured Mikey to go on. "I had caught the kid about to jump off the building highly intoxicated and bleeding from his wrists."

L.H. nodded ,"Did you have nightmares after this episode?"

Mikey hesitently nodded.

"Did you ever tell your brothers about this terrifying event or that you had nightmares?"

"I told them very minimum...they wouldn't listen anyways."

L.H.s eyes rose a bit at that, "are sure about that statement?"

Mikey nodded, "positive."

"Are you saying they don't care about you?"

Mikey sighed, "obviously they do now only because I have tried to kill myself but if I hadn't gone through all this mess? I'd still be miserable."

L.H. clicked a nail against his clip board, "And you're not miserable now?"

Mikey sniffed at that, tears started to stream down his face, "OF COURSE I AM FUCKING MISERABLE!"

L.H. gasped in surprise as Mikey started ripping at the gauze around his wrists making him bleed once more. "I need help in here!" L.H. called out as he held Mikey down.

"Not again!" Don called as he Leo and Raph grabbed Mikeys arms and legs.

"Calm the hell down Mikey, you're scaring us." Raph called as he cupped Mikeys face in desperation.

"LET ME GO DAMNIT! LET ME GO!"

Leo was scared no doubt, he was weak from desperation but he still found the strength to call out, "WE WILL NOT EVER LET YOU GO!"

The chant immediately got a response as Mikey relaxed, "fine. Just...just fix me." Mikey wiped a tear away, "please."


	14. Flowers

**Hey all, hope everyone is doing well. Sorry for the awful updates I'm just going through a rough time in my life right now. I apologize but hope you enjoy.**

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Leo sighed as the musk of the wood stove filtered through the living room he and Mikey were currently supposed to be sleeping in. It was already five in the morning and the orange clad turtle couldn't go unwatched by any of the brothers, thus they took shifts watching over him.

"Leo?"

"Yes Mikey?"

"Am I crazy?"

"Not at all."

"Then why can't I be left alone? Why do you guys constantly watch me?"

"You know why Mikey."

"Why don't you just let it happen Leo. You guys would be so much better off, I already took father away from you. I'm only going to bring you dow-"

SLAP.

"Michelangelo. Shut the hell up."

A gulp in response, Leo instantly felt bad as he heard a sniffle, the moment was interrupted as they heard a grunt. Ralph sat down on the wooden floor next to Leo and monkeys piolet of blankets and pillows.

"My turn to watch him, go get some sleep."

Leo looked over apologetically then hesitantly got up to leave, once gone Raph finally noticed the short muffled sniffles coming from Mikey. "Mike?"

Mikey sat up slowly to face Raph, he extended his arms to reveal the bandaged up forearms and wrists. "They're never going to go away, these scars."

Raph slowly took a hold of both Mikeys arms softly, "no warrior is complete without battle scars Mikey. That's all they are."

Mikey chuckled, "so I'm my own enemy?"

Raph chuckled, "Mikey we're all our own enemys...now can ya keep a secret?"

A nod in response.

Raph slowly lifted his arm to reveal a shallow cut right on his wrist.

Mikey gasped, "Raph! No! Why would you do that?!"

Raph focused his gaze on Mikey as he thought carefully if what he would say, "because I don't want you to suffer alone. I refuse to let you do that."

Mikey smiled at that, he knew it was awful that his own big brother had cut himself but at the same time it was so heartwarming that Raph would go to such drastic measures to make him feel not so lonely.

"Thank you Raph."

"Any time baby bro, now get some sleep Mikey, tomorrow we're going fishing."

"Really?!"

"Well yea! Right after we finish up the boats paint job, we're ganna catch fish and you are going to teach me how to cook it."

Mikey clapped but then deflated, "what is Don and Leo making me do before this?"

Raph shrugged, "no clue! That's just my plans."

As hours passed Mikey and Raph finally ended up going to sleep and sure enough the two were awakened by a sweet smell of french toast and orange juice.

"That smells really good! And Donnie made it without breaking the toaster?! Incredible."

Don rolled his eyes as he chuckled, enjoying Mikeys rare joking.

"So what's on the agenda?"

Leo sighed taking a piece of toast from the plate and moving it to his own, "it's a surprise Mikey! I can tell you that you will be talking to L.H. at the end of the day rather then the beginning now."

Mikey nodded in approval as he picked at his food barely stomaching the half glass of orange juice and slice of french toast.

Soon enough Leo clapped his hands and jumped up from his chair, "you ready to go?"

Mikey shrugged and followed Leo out of the house and to a strange contraption with three wheels. "Din whipped a vehicle up for us so we can ride through the fields this summer. But today we're going to an especially special spot."

Mikey smiled as he hopped in the side car to the three wheeled motorcycle. "What are we waiting for then?"

Leo smiled and started up the motorcycle then took off through the valley of apple trees leading to a small stream which they strolled over with ease. Soon they were in a open field with nothing but wheat, Mikey didn't think they would ever reach their destination in a side of a hill.

Mikey frowned as he looked over at Leo who was now stretching not too far away from the motorcycle.

"Don't tell me, the lesson was about how one should focus on the journey and not the destination."

Leo cocked his head's to the left a little and laughed, "follow me."

Mikey huffed as he followed the blue loving turtle, "where are we even going?! This is stu- wow..."

Sure enough on the other side of the hill were a massive mound of Easter lillies that stretched on for miles.

"I figured we could lay here awhile, I don't know about you but I didn't get enough sleep last night and I'm tired."

Mikey laughed as Leo ran forward and flipped into the flowers, he also made an attempt to flip into the gorgeous yellow flowers.

Soon enough the two were fast asleep in the field of flowers, a few hours passed by then a steady rain began to fall waking the two up from their deep slumber. "Shell, let's get home I think there is a storm coming." Leo called out to Mikey.

Mikey nodded in response and the two quickly jumped on the motorcycle and began to speed towards the farm house.

Leo was worried Mikey could tell, about what he was worried about Mikey wasn't sure but somthing bad was happening.

"What the ...shell..." Mikey and Leo both gasped mortified at the scene of the half damaged farm house. Leo speed closer to the house then the two ran inside only to find Raph, Donnie and L.H. tied up and tranquilized.

To make matters worse the man standing over them quickly pulled out a tranquilizer gun and pointed it at Leo as Leo and Mikey quietly grabbed onto their weapons.

"Come now Leonardo just surrender so I don't have to wast another tranq here."

Leo cursed under his breath, "what do you want Bishop."

"Simple."

Leo quickly turned as he heard Mikey yelp in pain, a large man now had him in a death grip by the arms causing a trickle of blood to pour from Mikeys wounds, Mikey let out a pained gasp.

"No! Stop! I'll do whatever just-"

A click and Leo was down as Bishop shot him.

"LEO! Fuck you Bishop! I will end you!"

Bishop let out a chuckle as Mikey struggled to get free, "if you struggle any more you will bleed out, get rid of this one, he's too injured to make a good test subject."

The overgrown man nodded as he picked Mikey up with ease, Mikey got one last glimpse of his tied up brothers before he was dragged out of the house and to the now flooded pond he and Raph were supposed to be fishing at today. "Let me go damnit!"

The guy chuckled as he slammed Mikeys head into a tree, "shut the hell up, I will make sure your death is fast as long as you stay quiet." The guy growled as he pointed a gun towards Mikeys head.

"Fuck you! You hopeless bastard, you can't even think without Bishop telling you what to do."

The man grunted, "that so? Well he told me nothing about this..."

The man quickly picked up the nearest heaviest rock he could find near the pond, his veins popping out of his neck as he lifted the rock and quickly found fishing wire he and Raph had been using for the boat. He tied the rock to Mikeys ankle roughly then ripped the bandages from Mikeys arms. Mikey couldn't help but scream from agony as his arms were soon covered in blood.

The man struggled to set the rock on the old boat dock as Mikey was forced to follow, he knew at this point the water would be way over his head. His mind was running a million times a second as the man pushed the rock into the water and got out his phone to record the incident. "I'll be sure to show this to your brothers, stupid turtle. Die a horrible death."

This was the last thing Mikey heard as he was submerged into the cold rain water, water slowly filling his lungs as he struggled to swim back up. Soon he calmed himself down and focused onhis breathing, 'you have this Mikey, just focus.'

Miraculously Mikey finally calmed and looked up through the water to see that man wasn't there, Mikey then took the razor blade he had been hiding in his belt pocket and quickly cut the fishing wire.

As soon as the deed was done Mikey quickly swam up and gasped for air, he hid under the boat dock as he watched the helicopter with all his brothers and best friend inside.

Reality quickly caught up with Mikey as he started to scream, he quickly regained his composure and narrowed his eyes in focus and cut throat concentration

"DAMNIT! I'm coming Bishop, I'm not a damn kid anymore, this time I will end your life and any body else's that gets in my way."

As Mikey got up and tried to walk back to the house though his vision suddenly shifted. "Shit..."

Mikey looked at his now opened wrists and felt warm sticky substance trickle down his arms. Suddenly his vision went completely black and he was down on his hands and knees gasping for air as he dry heaved.

He soon lost all consciousness leaving fate to his mercy.


End file.
